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Porhomme: Men's only subby ;)
PORHOMMEMsg # 21 of 29 Date: Wed 5/06/1996, 5:42 pm
From: PRIVATE PAARTZ Read: 41 times [1 Reply]

To: All
Subject: We are.....

Men!!! (No, not the way wimmin say it...!!!)

We are now being victimised by our female counter parts after 100's, nay
1000's of years of going out there killing the beasts, populating the world,
and providing shelter and protection from for them.....

.....and this is the thanks we get!!!??

-like, men are sexist....
-like, men are lazy....
-like, men don't shave often enough!!!!

We MUST rally our strength, and fight to save our manhood....lets go out
there and kill the beasts....populate the world....and, kick the wimmin out
of homes (well, for an hour or two..?) and let them see how far they'd get
without us....

Do I have you your support fellow MEN??? Join with me on my crusade...
and I will lead you heartily into the golden land of plenty (the pub!?)

Join now.....reply here.......
PORHOMMEMsg # 22 of 29 Date: Thu 6/06/1996, 7:10 am
From: TREKKER Read: 44 times

Subject: Re: We are.....

>Men!!! (No, not the way wimmin say it...!!!)
>We are now being victimised by our female counter parts after 100's, nay
>1000's of years of going out there killing the beasts, populating the world,
>and providing shelter and protection from for them.....
>.....and this is the thanks we get!!!??
>-like, men are sexist....
>-like, men are lazy....
>-like, men don't shave often enough!!!!
>We MUST rally our strength, and fight to save our manhood....lets go out
>there and kill the beasts....populate the world....and, kick the wimmin out
>of homes (well, for an hour or two..?) and let them see how far they'd get
>without us....
>Do I have you your support fellow MEN??? Join with me on my crusade...
>and I will lead you heartily into the golden land of plenty (the pub!?)
>Join now.....reply here.......

I'll have to check with the other half, but I should be able to join you.

PORHOMMEMsg # 23 of 29 Date: Tue 18/06/1996, 8:19 am
From: FRECKLES Read: 54 times

Subject: what men want

Why can't a women be......?

Money, poor communication, children, infidelity, control and sexual
incompatibility (God this is going to take forever) are the top issues that
cause men the most conflict (hell my fingers are soooo cold) and turmoil in
their intimate relationships with women. (shit the print's small)
Men around the world read this column and write about their relationships
with women. This is what they say they want from women: YEEEEEK!

Men want women to nurture, pamper them.

Most men want their women to have a good self concept, without being
superior, critical or judgemental (glad typing isn't in there!)

They want a women who is socially adept.

Most men want the women to be domestic: to take charge of making the house a
warm, cosy environment, and for the women to do most of the household
chores. However, many men are willing to share or assist in the household
responsibilies, especially if both people work outside the home.

Men want their women to be great cooks.

They want the women to have some of their own independent interests, so that
she is not exclusively dependent on him for meeting her needs and
desires.(where's that vibrator....)

If the man wants children, he will look for a woman to be a good and caring
mother. most men want the woman to be the primary child carer.

Men sometimes have trouble with knowing how to respond to women's emmotional
swings. Moody women often feel unstable and unsafe to men.

Men don't like women who are bitchy or uppity.

Men want their women to be physically attractive and take pride in their

They want a sexually active, romantic, sensuous women who enjoys sex. Sexual
passiveness is a turnoff.They want women to be playful, lustful, uninhibited
and seductively aggressive.

They want a women to be a safe haven. They do not want to be in competition
with or have to prove themselves to her, except when in courtship. Men want
to be able to be themselves around women, and not feel negatively judged.

Men love feeling attractive and desirable. They like it when you notice and
appreciate their masculinity.

They want a faithful women.

They want a women to be a good listener and good communicator; easy and non
threatening to talk with.

Men want women who are moderately dependent, but not clingy.

They want goodwill, the benefit of the doubt and absence of malice.

They want you to ask if you want or need something from them. Don't assume
they're supposed to know what you want or need.

They want to feel valued, honoured and respected. Men want to feel they are
more important to you than anyone or anything else in your life.

Men want women to act with integrity.

Men want commitment.

Men want women to be good at the things they aren't.

Men, am I leaving anything out?

Courtesy of Neil Rosenthal
A marriage and family therapist from Colarado and The Dom.

Thanks Ian for telling me about the article Wink
(hopefully Neil will eventually let us all know what women want!!!)

And after all this what are the sexes willing or wanting to give ?
PORHOMMEMsg # 24 of 29 Date: Thu 26/09/1996, 9:17 am
From: TREKKER Read: 40 times [1 Reply]

Subject: Re: Who are you

> Mr Shy Guy who are you? You sound very mysterious.....any chance of us
>meeting?Wink I promise I won't bite....well...I'll try not to...Wink

I'll say mysterious, I think I've only seen a post from him once.

PORHOMMEMsg # 25 of 29 Date: Sat 28/09/1996, 2:42 am
From: FRECKLES Read: 41 times

Subject: Re: Who are you

>> Mr Shy Guy who are you? You sound very mysterious.....any chance of us
>>meeting?Wink I promise I won't bite....well...I'll try not to...Wink
>I'll say mysterious, I think I've only seen a post from him once.

Ooooh what did he post? I wait with bated breath (breathing heavily...pant
pant) for your replyWink
PORHOMMEMsg # 26 of 29 Date: Sun 29/09/1996, 10:21 am
From: TREKKER Read: 39 times

Subject: Re: We are.....

>>>We are now being victimised by our female counter parts after 100's, nay
>>>1000's of years of going out there killing the beasts, populating the worl
>>>and providing shelter and protection from for them.....
> Hey babe you guys haven't been providing shelter for us wimin for as long
>as that if at all....first of a cave is provided by mother earth!!!!
> Re the killing of beasts...well it's well known that the "wimin" were
>gatherers of the fruits of the earth and the beasts were only killed in the
>winter what were you guys up to for the other nine months of
>the year?!!! tee hee hee... maybe guys got pregnant then instead of

But who found the cave? If we didn't kill the beasts, you wouldn't have any
furs to wear either. We spend three months catching beasts, and nine months
recharging the batteries. (Read: watching TV and drinking)

PORHOMMEMsg # 27 of 29 Date: Fri 6/12/1996, 11:37 am
From: AIMEE Read: 44 times

To: All
Subject: Trouble? ;>


This letter was started by men, like yourself, in hopes of bringing relief
to other tired and discontented men. Unlike most chain letters this one
does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five friends who are equally
discontented and tired. Then bundle up your Wife, Girlfriend, or
Significant Other and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of
the list.

When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,277 women!
And one of them is bound to be a helluva lot better than the one you
already have. Bear in mind, though, that someone has sent her to you, and
be careful.

Don't break the Chain!!! Have Faith!!!

One man broke the chain and got his own wife back (with her mother).

At this writing, a friend of mine has already received 184 women. The
strain killed him.

They buried him yesterday. It took three morticians to get the smile off
his face and two days to tie down his cock so they could close the coffin!
PORHOMMEMsg # 28 of 29 Date: Mon 10/11/1997, 9:06 pm
From: ZOSIMOS Read: 30 times

To: All
Subject: Pickup lines

Some Useful Pickup Lines

"I'm down here!"
"Just because I've got bells on my feet doesn't mean I'm a sissy!"
"I was a lawn ornament for Gary Sweet."
"I can get you off the naughty list!"
"I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys."
"I'm a magical being! Take off your bra!"
"It's not size that matters babe!"
"I get a thimbleful of tequila into me and I turn into a wild man!"
"You'd look hot in a Raggedy Ann wig!"
"I can eat my weight in cocktail frankfurts!"


"That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed."
"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
"You have some nice jewelry. It would look good on my nightstand."
"Chicks dig me - I wear colored underwear!"
Look at the tag on her shirt and say "I wanted to see if you were
really made in heaven."
"If I gave you a negligee for my birthday, would there be anything
in it for me?"
"That's a nice shirt - can I talk you out of it?"
"Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself
in them."
"Do I know you from somewhere - or is it just that you have your
clothes on?"
"Hi, I'm conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples."
She: "What do you think of this dress/top/skirt?" He: "I like nothing
"What do like for breakfast?"
"Can I buy you a drink, or would you just like the money?"
"Would you like a gin & platonic or do you prefer scotch & sofa?"
"Hey, how about pizza & a fuck?" - "What, don't you like pizza?"
"Would you like to have morning coffee with me?"
"Lets do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?"
"Excuse me, why is your drink glowing?"
"I don't look like much now, I'm drinking milk."
"I've had quite a bit to drink tonight & you're beginning to look
pretty good!"
"I've got a thirst baby, and you smell like Gatorade!"
"Do you know the difference between hamburgers and head jobs?"
"No? Let's do lunch then!"
Hand out cards saying: "Smile if you want to sleep with me" and
watch them hold back their laughter.
At the photocopier: "Reproducing hey? Can I help?"
Woman: "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Man: "Do you have the
Woman: "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Man: "Do you have a place
in mind?"
Walk over to a ladies table, take your dick out & say "Hey Charlie,
anyone here you recognize?"
"Stand back, I'm a doctor! You get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes!"
Holding out fingers: "Why should women masturbate with these fingers?"
"Because they're mine!"
"Hi, my name is {name}. How do you like me so far?"
"You look like a girl who has heard every single line in the book -
so what's one more!"
"Bond. James Bond."
"Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?"
"Hi, I make more money than you can spend."
"Hi, can I buy you a car?"
"I'm new in town, can you give me directions to your apartment?"
"Was your father a thief? Because someone stole the stars from the
sky & put them in your eyes."
"Was your father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on
"You know what I like about you?" "My arms."
"If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you."
"I know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like
a line? Are you disappointed?"
"Who's a nice girl doing in a place like this?"
"Do you have a 40 cents?" "Too bad, because I need to call my mother
and tell her I just found the woman of my dreams."
"Do you have a map?" "I just keep on getting lost in your eyes."
"Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers."
"Did it hurt?" "When you fell from heaven?"
"Inheriting eighty million dollars doesn't mean much when you have a
weak heart."
"Excuse me, do you live around here often?"
"Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash. Mind if we shared a cab home
"What's your sign?"
"Hi, the voices in my head told me to come and talk to you."
"What was that?" "That sound?" "The sound of my heart breaking?"
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U & I together."
"I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?"
"I was sitting here holding my cigarette when I realized I'd rather
be holding you."
"If your parents hadn't met, I'd be a very unhappy man right now."
"I feel like Richard Gere, standing here next to you, the Pretty Woman."
"Sorry, I thought you were someone else, by the way, here's my card."
"Say, didn't we go to different schools together?"
"Drop 'em"
"Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?"
"Hey baby, let's make some babies!"
"I think we have to make love like crazed weasels on the front lawn NOW!"
"Hey babe, can you suck start a Harley?
"Hey babe, wanna get lucky?"
To a mother: "Hey mother - want another?"
To a mother: "What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?"
"Your place or mine?"
"Your place or the mens bathroom?"
"Your face or mine?"
"If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?"
"If I told you that you had an ugly body, would you hold it against me?"
"Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?"
"I love you. I want to marry you. Now let's fuck."
"Forget that. Playing doctor is for kids, lets play gynecologist!"
"Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh."
"I wanna floss with your pubic hair!"
"I'm on fire, can I run through your sprinkler?"
"I'd look good on you!"
"Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?"
"I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I have more of something else."
"I would kill or die to make love to you!"
"Sex is a killer... Want to die happy?"
"I love every bone in your body, especially mine."
"Now Bitch!"
"Fancy a fuck?"
"My face is leaving in 10 minutes - be on it!"
"Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?"
"I'm aboriginal. Do you have any aboriginal in you?" "Would you like some?"
"I think you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen... on a Wednesday!"
"How did you achieve such a gaudy effect with only Avon cosmetics?"
"You're ugly, but you interest me."
"Do you believe in one night stands?"
"With one touch I can make you make noise only dogs can hear!"
"I'm leaving this place - want to Cum?"
"Why, you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!"
"Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here! Get them while they're
"Do you have a boyfriend? Well, when you want a manfriend, come and talk
to me!"
"You've got nice breasts, but are your nipples brown or pink?"
"Is it cold outside, or are you just smuggling Tic-Tacs?"
"Pardon me, but I was about to go home and masturbate, and I was wondering
if you'd mind if I fantasize about you."
"Sit on my lap and well talk about the first thing that pops up!"
"Sit on my lap and lets get things straight between us."
"You smell wet - let's Party!"
"Pardon me miss, but I couldn't help noticing that you have cum in
your hair."
"Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick!"
"Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"
"I saw you at the party last weekend, and you look kind of interesting...
Let's meet sometime..."
"No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for $50?"
"You have the ass of a great artist."
"Let's take a shower together - you smell."
"If I was Elvis, would you screw me?"
"Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me? I thought you knew
"Cold out isn't it?" (Staring at breasts)
"Hey... Somebody farted - lets get out of here!"
"I need your help. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?"
"Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated?"
"Do you sleep on your front?" "Do you mind if I do?"
"Do you want to go halves in a baby?"
"Ever played leap frog naked?"
"I'll bet you ten bucks I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds."
"Since we shouldn't waste this day & age, what you say we use these condoms
in my pocket before they expire?"
"Would you like to see me naked?"
"Anything drugs can do, I can do with my tongue!"
"Either way, I'm going to have you tonight, so you might as well be there."
"Wanna go halves in a bastard?""Do you know the essential difference between
sex and conversation?"
"Do you want to go upstairs and talk?"
"Sit on my face and let me get to nose you better!"
"Excuse me, do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk
past you again?"
"Fuck me if I'm wrong but you want to fuck me don't you?"
"Fuck me if I'm wrong but you want to kiss me?"
"Fuck me if I'm wrong but isn't your name Gretchen?"
"Hello Susie, your mummy couldn't make it this afternoon. She asked me to
pick you up and take you home. My that's a pretty dress..."
"I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in
black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice back rub. Are the stra
too tight darling? How very, very tragic."
"Do you want to see something swell?"
"Hey babe, do you know my mouth can generate over 750 psi?"
"Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?"
"Wanna fuck like bunnies?
Follow these instructions:
1. Make sure that you are in front of the person you are trying to attract.
2. Put your hands in a vertical plane and separate your hands to the desired
3. Look at the person of your affections with a shit-eating ear to ear grin.
Shake your head up and down as to reply that you're this big.
"What would you do if I kissed you right now?"
"Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it and say: "Now that I've broke the ice
will you sleep with me?"
"I'm single!"
"Would you like to see my boa constrictor?"
"I'm drunk."
"Would you like to come and party in my toolshed?"
"Will you marry me and have my children?"
"You know, I'd really like to fuck your brains out, but it seems somebody
beat me to it!"
To someone just out of the shower: "Can I borrow your towel?"
"I've got an itch. Lower. Lower."
"If you want me, don't wake me, or shake me, just take me."
"Hi, I'm a flight steward."
"May I please rest my head on your shoulder?"
Hold up a vibrator: "Do you know how to use one of these?"
"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?"
"I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual
consent; Oh and by the way, you have my consent."
"I'm sure you didn't mean to turn me on with your big ass, but it's too
late now!"
"Hi, I'm taking a survey. Do you spit or swallow?"
"I think I'm falling in love with you. Now do you want to fuck?"
"I haven't seen you in a while, you sure look different without my dick in
your mouth."

"Hi. My name's Campbell. You'll be screaming that later."
"What winks and fucks like a tiger?" (said while winking)
"What are you drinking?" ("_______") "Wanna screw?"
"Yo. You'll do."
"I've never driven a Cadillac, what's your name?"
"Would you like to dance?" "No? I'm sorry you must have misunderstood me.
I said you look fat in those pants."
"Hi I'm in the army, I blow up cunts. Can I blow up yours?"
"Nice ass, mind if I use it for a hat?"
"Do you think that God is a homosexual?" "Well I think that he must have
loved men when he made you."
"Im in the process of writing a telephone book. May I have your number?"
"You're cuter than a speckled pup."
"You're prettier than a beer truck pulling up in my driveway!"
"Hi, I'm trisexual. I'll try anything once!"
"Are you SURE you're wearing make-up?"
"Have you heard about the exciting new G-spot discoveries?"
"I don't think I've let money make me feel all that special."
"You look like that woman who ran for Governor of New Jersey."
"What a hot pair of prefrontal lobes you have!"
"Are you the person from the Nobel Prize committee I'm supposed to meet here
"Have you ever spent LOTS of money just for the fun of it?"
"I *love* women who aren't afraid to put on a few pounds."
"Hi, can I buy you several drinks?"
A business card:

Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four
minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the
average length is six inches, the average girl receives two hundred and
sixteen inches or eighteen feet per intercourse. The average girl does it
three times a week, fifty weeks a year, and so 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet,
or just a little over half a mile. So girls, if you are not getting your
half a mile a year, why not let the man who gave you this card help you to
catch up.

I don't write em folks! Zos.
PORHOMMEMsg # 29 of 29 Date: Thu 11/12/1997, 7:06 pm
From: ZOSIMOS Read: 31 times

To: All
Subject: Women

Hazardous Materials (Woman)...

Element : Woman

Symbol : Wo

Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.

Discoverer : Adam

Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower
concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject
to seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties :

1) Surface usually covered with painted film.

2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.

3) Melts if given special treatment.

4) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!

5) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

6) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties :

1) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.

2) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.

4) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.

5) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.

6) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses :

1) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.

3) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.

4) Can cool things down when it's too hot.

Tests :

1) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.

2) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Caution :

1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when

2) Illegal to possess more than one.

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