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Porfemme: For the Ladies! of the Board
#1
PORFEMMEMsg # 1 of 52                    Date: Sun 27/08/1995,  4:10 pm

From: AIMEE                      Read: 59 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All
Subject: This subby

The women have the vote.  Our own subby!

Guys can read all this, but if they post utter rubbish, they'll be thrown
either out, or into the corner.

Women will vote on how long they stay in the corner.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 2 of 52                    Date: Mon 28/08/1995,  3:17 pm
From: WEATHER LADY               Read: 53 times  [1 Reply]

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Re: This subby

>The women have the vote.  Our own subby!
>
>Guys can read all this, but if they post utter rubbish, they'll be thrown
>either out, or into the corner.
>
>Women will vote on how long they stay in the corner.

Great to have a female sysop!

HeHe a Female sysop and the men *STILL* have to cook!
If the guys write crap in here, just close down the male establishment, or
at least steal the beer fridge!

WL

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PORFEMMEMsg # 3 of 52                    Date: Tue 29/08/1995, 12:16 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 48 times  [1 Reply]

     To: WEATHER LADY
Subject: Re: This subby

>HeHe a Female sysop and the men *STILL* have to cook!
>If the guys write crap in here, just close down the male establishment, or
>at least steal the beer fridge!

We did that a while ago, and none of them were man enough to get it back
from us.

hmm.. this place is bare.. we need curtains, a chocolate fondue in the
corner, a naughty knickers party and a rack for guys that come in here by
mistake.


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PORFEMMEMsg # 4 of 52                    Date: Tue 29/08/1995,  6:04 pm
From: BO PEEP                    Read: 46 times  [1 Reply]

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Re: This subby

>>HeHe a Female sysop and the men *STILL* have to cook!
>>If the guys write crap in here, just close down the male establishment, or
>>at least steal the beer fridge!
>
>We did that a while ago, and none of them were man enough to get it back
>from us.
>
>hmm.. this place is bare.. we need curtains, a chocolate fondue in the
>corner, a naughty knickers party and a rack for guys that come in here by
>mistake.
>

And a HUGE pile of classy magazines

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PORFEMMEMsg # 5 of 52                    Date: Wed 30/08/1995, 12:11 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 48 times  [2 Retorts]

     To: BO PEEP
Subject: Re: This subby

>>hmm.. this place is bare.. we need curtains, a chocolate fondue in the
>>corner, a naughty knickers party and a rack for guys that come in here by
>>mistake.
>>
>And a HUGE pile of classy magazines

Definately!  I'll have to start getting the Cleos with the male centrefold
:>

Pity the staples hide everything ;>


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PORFEMMEMsg # 6 of 52                    Date: Wed 30/08/1995, 10:47 pm
From: WEATHER LADY               Read: 49 times

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Re: This subby

>>And a HUGE pile of classy magazines
>Definately!  I'll have to start getting the Cleos with the male centrefold
>Pity the staples hide everything ;>

Yeah, but think about how the guy feels having a staple through his..WL

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PORFEMMEMsg # 7 of 52                    Date: Fri  1/09/1995, 10:53 pm
From: GREY GHOST                 Read: 53 times  [1 Reply]

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Knock Knock

KNOCK KNOCK

Err Hello is anyone home?
 <head bowed,humble voice>

Umm I was just wondering if it would be ok if I borrowed a cup of sugar?
 <Testing water>

Those lazy slobs in the mens subbie have used it all and theres no money
left in the Kitty,I think it's been nicked.
 <trying to evoke sympathy>

Can I come and visit you gals more often,It's soooo warm in here.
Does anyone want a foot massage?
 <god I hate myself sometimes>


<GG>

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PORFEMMEMsg # 8 of 52                    Date: Sun  3/09/1995, 11:42 am
From: WEATHER LADY               Read: 48 times  [2 Retorts]

     To: GREY GHOST
Subject: Re: Knock Knock

>Umm I was just wondering if it would be ok if I borrowed a cup of sugar?
>Does anyone want a foot massage?

Hoy!.. Over here <Feet Out> I'll give ya two cups for a good job! (Two cups
of sugar, don't get that wrong!)

But you will have to leave before the lingere party!

WL

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PORFEMMEMsg # 9 of 52                    Date: Sun  3/09/1995,  3:51 pm
From: BO PEEP                    Read: 46 times  [1 Reply]

     To: WEATHER LADY
Subject: Re: Knock Knock

>>Umm I was just wondering if it would be ok if I borrowed a cup of sugar?
>>Does anyone want a foot massage?
>
>Hoy!.. Over here <Feet Out> I'll give ya two cups for a good job! (Two cups
>of sugar, don't get that wrong!)
>
>But you will have to leave before the lingere party!
>

Nooo - he can be our model.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 10 of 52                   Date: Mon  4/09/1995, 10:26 am
From: WEATHER LADY               Read: 47 times  [1 Reply]

     To: BO PEEP
Subject: Re: Knock Knock

>>>Umm I was just wondering if it would be ok if I borrowed a cup of sugar?
>>>Does anyone want a foot massage?
>>
>>Hoy!.. Over here <Feet Out> I'll give ya two cups for a good job! (Two cups
>>of sugar, don't get that wrong!)
>>
>>But you will have to leave before the lingere party!
>>
>
>Nooo - he can be our model.

But he ain't got tits!
only one of then flabby male chests!

You can shave him first *ALL* over!

WL

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PORFEMMEMsg # 11 of 52                   Date: Thu  7/09/1995, 11:29 pm
From: GREY GHOST                 Read: 47 times

     To: WEATHER LADY
Subject: Re: Knock Knock

>>Umm I was just wondering if it would be ok if I borrowed a cup of sugar?
>>Does anyone want a foot massage?
>
>Hoy!.. Over here <Feet Out> I'll give ya two cups for a good job! (Two cups
>of sugar, don't get that wrong!)
>
>But you will have to leave before the lingere party!
>
>WL


<YES!!>

Oh hello WL your looking stunning tonight!
<More sucking up>

Here let me massage your aching feet.
<Oh god I hope shes clean>

Can I stay for the Lingere party???,Please please
<Grovel Grovel>

<GG>

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PORFEMMEMsg # 12 of 52                   Date: Thu  7/09/1995, 11:38 pm
From: GREY GHOST                 Read: 43 times

     To: WEATHER LADY
Subject: Re: Knock Knock

>>Nooo - he can be our model.
>
>But he ain't got tits!
>only one of then flabby male chests!
>
>You can shave him first *ALL* over!

Not that flabby!,well a little bit flabby,I *AM* a Kiwi bloke !.

<GG>

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PORFEMMEMsg # 13 of 52                   Date: Fri  8/09/1995,  1:29 am
From: AIMEE                      Read: 44 times

     To: GREY GHOST
Subject: Re: Knock Knock

>>How about a leg massage over this way?  I pulled a muscle 8(
>Sure my mum said it always pays to start at the top,but in the interests
>of dequorum I'll start at your feet.
><now if I start with a little toe sucking and progress from there>
><GG>

You can stay :>

In fact.. I'm building a nice cage in the corner for you to stay in while
we're doing other things :>

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PORFEMMEMsg # 14 of 52                   Date: Thu 14/09/1995,  2:41 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 40 times

     To: All
Subject: Humour for the Ladies :>


                       The 9 Types of Boyfriends

 Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
 Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled
 Egg, Snugglepup
 Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
 Disadvantages:  Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

 Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell.  Let's
 stay home and watch TV."
 Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow
 Mover, Jerk
 Advantages:  Stays put; predictable
 Disadvantages:  Royal pain in the ass

 Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
 Also known as:  Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
 Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
 Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

 Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
 Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n'
 Dumb
 Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
 Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

 Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
 Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug
 Addict
 Advantages: Well rested; easy target
 Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

 The Sneak - "Who, me?"
 Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
 Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
 Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

 Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed
 weasels, OK?"
 Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
 Advantages: Perpetually aroused
 Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

 The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous.  I don't know
 how, but--"
 Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind,
 Fool
 Advantages: Tells good stories
 Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

 Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like
 crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
 Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
 Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
 Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction
Reply
#2
PORFEMMEMsg # 15 of 52                   Date: Thu 14/09/1995,  2:43 pm

From: AIMEE                      Read: 40 times

     To: All
Subject: For the ladies :>

DUMB MEN JOKES

Why are all dumb blond jokes one liners?
 So men can understand them.

What is the difference between Government Bonds and men?
 Government Bonds mature.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
 When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

What did God say after He created man?
 "I can do better than this."

What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
 Put the remote control between his toes.

How do men exercise at the beach?
 By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How are men like noodles?
 They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
 When the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for 
 directions.


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PORFEMMEMsg # 16 of 52                   Date: Sun 29/10/1995,  6:54 pm
From: KIM                        Read: 38 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All
Subject: Hello...

Hi there...
       I'm told that this is somewhere that woman can escape from those men
types!
How many are there of us in here? I'm surprised that more women arn't into
modeming, I mean you think men would be too busy watching rugby and cricket!

Hey this place looks rather nice! Do you gals need more magazines? I have a
whole bundle!

Well I look forward to hearing from you all (however many there are of us!)

Kimberly.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 17 of 52                   Date: Sun 29/10/1995,  9:02 pm
From: BO PEEP                    Read: 43 times  [1 Reply]

     To: KIM
Subject: Re: Hello...

>       I'm told that this is somewhere that woman can escape from those men
>types!
>How many are there of us in here? I'm surprised that more women arn't into
>modeming, I mean you think men would be too busy watching rugby and cricket!
>
>Hey this place looks rather nice! Do you gals need more magazines? I have a
>whole bundle!
>
>Well I look forward to hearing from you all (however many there are of us!)
>
Hi Kim. Nice of you to pop over. Just making a batch of scones. The curtain
call lady is due soon. What sort of mags - all the centre pages have fallen
out of the pile of cosmos we had. Weather Lady broke her finger nails
picking out the staples.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 18 of 52                   Date: Wed  1/11/1995, 11:48 am
From: AIMEE                      Read: 42 times

     To: ALL LADIES
Subject: the Raid on the Men :>

Well.. that worked well!

Thanks to all involved who helped sabotage the mens beer with laxatives :>

I think that replacing the toilet paper with sandpaper went down a treat too
:>

*chuckle*

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PORFEMMEMsg # 19 of 52                   Date: Sun  5/11/1995,  6:24 pm
From: KIM                        Read: 40 times  [1 Reply]

     To: BO PEEP
Subject: Re: Hello...

>Hi Kim. Nice of you to pop over. Just making a batch of scones. The curtain
>call lady is due soon. What sort of mags - all the centre pages have fallen
>out of the pile of cosmos we had. Weather Lady broke her finger nails
>picking out the staples.

Thanks. Smile It's good to be here, I have all sorts of magazines... New Idea,
Womans Day, Womans Weekly, Cosmo, Cleo, More, So shall I bring them in? The
car is full of them Smile

Kim.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 20 of 52                   Date: Mon  6/11/1995,  8:00 pm
From: BO PEEP                    Read: 40 times  [2 Retorts]

     To: KIM
Subject: Re: Hello...

>>Hi Kim. Nice of you to pop over. Just making a batch of scones. The curtain
>>call lady is due soon. What sort of mags - all the centre pages have fallen
>>out of the pile of cosmos we had. Weather Lady broke her finger nails
>>picking out the staples.
>
>Thanks. Smile It's good to be here, I have all sorts of magazines... New Idea,
>Womans Day, Womans Weekly, Cosmo, Cleo, More, So shall I bring them in? The
>car is full of them Smile
>
>Kim.

Anything with articles about how to have sexy legs, sex lasting more than
five minutes, nude males and recipes for scones.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 21 of 52                   Date: Mon  6/11/1995,  8:33 pm
From: KIM                        Read: 37 times  [1 Reply]

     To: BO PEEP
Subject: Re: Hello...

>>Thanks. Smile It's good to be here, I have all sorts of magazines... New Idea,
>>Womans Day, Womans Weekly, Cosmo, Cleo, More, So shall I bring them in? The
>>car is full of them Smile
>
>Anything with articles about how to have sexy legs, sex lasting more than
>five minutes, nude males and recipes for scones.

Ok... can we enslave a male to carry the boxes in? There are some good
muffin recipes in them too! Smile
Does anyone mind if I put a poster of Mel Gibson on the wall? And one of
Dean Cain without a shirt on? (Dean Cain is the TV Superman! *DROOL*)

Kim.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 22 of 52                   Date: Tue  7/11/1995, 11:20 am
From: AIMEE                      Read: 36 times  [1 Reply]

     To: BO PEEP
Subject: Re: Hello...

>Anything with articles about how to have sexy legs, sex lasting more than
                                                     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>five minutes, nude males and recipes for scones.
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I'm sorry... you'll need the Fiction section for that :>




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PORFEMMEMsg # 23 of 52                   Date: Tue  7/11/1995, 12:21 pm
From: SKIDMARK                   Read: 35 times

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Re: Hello...

>>Anything with articles about how to have sexy legs, sex lasting more than
>                                                     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>five minutes, nude males and recipes for scones.
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
>I'm sorry... you'll need the Fiction section for that :>
>
>
>

I doomed aren't I?

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PORFEMMEMsg # 24 of 52                   Date: Tue  7/11/1995,  6:46 pm
From: BO PEEP                    Read: 34 times  [1 Reply]

     To: KIM
Subject: Re: Hello...

>>>Thanks. Smile It's good to be here, I have all sorts of magazines... New Idea
>>>Womans Day, Womans Weekly, Cosmo, Cleo, More, So shall I bring them in? Th
>>>car is full of them Smile
>>
>>Anything with articles about how to have sexy legs, sex lasting more than
>>five minutes, nude males and recipes for scones.
>
>Ok... can we enslave a male to carry the boxes in? There are some good
>muffin recipes in them too! Smile
>Does anyone mind if I put a poster of Mel Gibson on the wall? And one of
>Dean Cain without a shirt on? (Dean Cain is the TV Superman! *DROOL*)
>
>Kim.

OOOh that reminds me - I have a coloyur poster of The Men from UNCLE. Its
hidden under the bed. I'll go home and get it.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 25 of 52                   Date: Tue  7/11/1995, 11:05 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 36 times

     To: BO PEEP
Subject: Re: Hello...

>OOOh that reminds me - I have a coloyur poster of The Men from UNCLE. Its
>hidden under the bed. I'll go home and get it.

OOO!  OOOOOOO!  I used to have a MAJOR crush on those guys!  Pin it up!!!!!!

<DROOOOOOL>

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PORFEMMEMsg # 26 of 52                   Date: Wed  8/11/1995,  5:58 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 46 times

     To: GIZMO
Subject: Re: the Raid on the Men :>

>Who need the raisins just give me the boxes!!! Smile

Yelling this out in a woman's only area is almost suicidal...

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PORFEMMEMsg # 27 of 52                   Date: Sat 11/11/1995, 11:01 pm
From: GREY GHOST                 Read: 45 times  [1 Reply]

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Re: Guys out!

>Alright guys... Lets have the women back in here again.
>
>You've taken over!  ARGH!
>
>Any more than 3 peeps from now till next monday for either of you lot, and
>you're in the corner for 2 days!
>
>You'd better work out whether the posts are worth it ;>
>
>Oh yeah.. NO exceptions!  (REAL chocolate can be used as a bribe, send it to
>the PO Box.)

I thought I'd post a recipe for scones I have been meaning to give you gals.

Ingredients- 1 cup of flour
             1/2 cup milk
             2 tablespoons of sugar
             1 pinch of baking soda
             3 cups curry powder
             2 small packets of raisens

Mix all ingedients in a bowl and knead into a dough,form into balls and
place on a tray,into an oven pre-heated to 450degs. Bake for 25 minutes or
until lightly browned. Butter and eat while still warm.

<GG>

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PORFEMMEMsg # 28 of 52                   Date: Sun 12/11/1995,  1:47 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 39 times

     To: GREY GHOST
Subject: Re: Guys out!

>I thought I'd post a recipe for scones I have been meaning to give you gals.
>
>Ingredients- 1 cup of flour
>             1/2 cup milk
>             2 tablespoons of sugar
>             1 pinch of baking soda
>             3 cups curry powder
              ^^^^^^
>             2 small packets of raisens

>Mix all ingedients in a bowl and knead into a dough,form into balls and
>place on a tray,into an oven pre-heated to 450degs. Bake for 25 minutes or
>until lightly browned. Butter and eat while still warm.


<mix>   <knead>   <roll>   <bake>   ....

Aww... I feel guilty about what I said to the men... I'll take these around
to PorHomme as a peace offering :>


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PORFEMMEMsg # 29 of 52                   Date: Wed  3/05/1995,  6:42 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 65 times

     To: ALL                     Fwd From: :      Humour for the streets!     
Subject: The Rules

          T H E    R U  L  E S

1.   The Female ALWAYS make the RULES.

2.   THE RULES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE AT ANY TIME without prior notification.

3.   NO MALE CAN POSSIBLY KNOW THE RULES.

4.   If the Female suspects that the Male knows all the RULES, she MUST
     immediately change some of the RULES.

5.   THE FERMALE IS NEVER WRONG.

6.   If the Female is wrong, it is because of a FLAGRANT MISUNDERSTANDING
     which was a DIRECT RESULT of something the Male did or said wrong.

7.   If Rule (6) applies, the Male MUST APOLOGISE IMMEDIATELY for causing
     the MISUNDERSTANDING.

8.   The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9.   THE MALE MUST NEVER CHANGE HIS MIND WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT
     from the Female.

10.  The Female has the every right to be ANGRY or UPSET at any time.

11.  The Male MUST remain CALM AT ALL TIMES, unless the Female wants him to
     be angry or upset.

12.  The Female MUST, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, let the Male know whether or
     not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13.  ANY ATTEMPT TO DOCUMENT THESE RULES COULD RESULT IN BODILY HARM!

14.  If the Female has PMT, all Rules are NULL and VOID.

15.  THE MALE CANNOT DIAGNOSE PMT.
Reply
#3
PORFEMMEMsg # 30 of 52                   Date: Fri 21/06/1996, 12:42 pm

From: AIMEE WINN                 Read: 35 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All                     Fwd From: :     Legend's Men's Only Subby ;> 
Subject: what WOmen want

Why can't a man be......?


Money, poor communication, children, infidelity, control and sexual
incompatibility are the top issues that cause women the most conflict and
turmoil in their intimate relationships with men.  Women around the world
read this subboard and write about their relationships with men. This is
what they say they want from men:

Women want men to nurture, pamper them.

Most women want their men to have a good self concept, without being
superior, critical or judgemental.

They want a man who is socially adept.

Most women want the men to be domestic: to take charge of making the house a
warm, cosy environment, and for the men to do most of the household chores.
However, many women are willing to share or assist in the household
responsibilies, especially if both people work outside the home.

Women want their men to be great cooks.

They want the men to have some of their own independent interests, so that
he is not exclusively dependent on her for meeting his needs and
desires.

If the woman wants children, she will look for a man to be a good and caring
father.  Most women want the man to be the primary child carer.

Women sometimes have trouble with knowing how to respond to men's
emmotional swings. Moody men often feel unstable and unsafe to women.

Women don't like men who are bitchy or uppity.

Women want their men to be physically attractive and take pride in their
appearance.

They want a sexually active, romantic, sensuous man who enjoys sex. Sexual
passiveness is a turnoff.  They want men to be playful, lustful, uninhibited
and seductively aggressive.

They want a man to be a safe haven. They do not want to be in competition
with or have to prove themselves to him, except when in courtship. Women
want to be able to be themselves around men, and not feel negatively judged.

Women love feeling attractive and desirable. They like it when you notice
and appreciate their femininity.

They want a faithful man.

They want a man to be a good listener and good communicator; easy and non
threatening to talk with.

Women want men who are moderately dependent, but not clingy.

They want goodwill, the benefit of the doubt and absence of malice.

They want you to ask if you want or need something from them. Don't assume
they're supposed to know what you want or need.

They want to feel valued, honoured and respected. Women want to feel they
are more important to you than anyone or anything else in your life.

Women want men to act with integrity.

Women want commitment.

Women want men to be good at the things they aren't.

Women, am I leaving anything out?



Sounds like a pile of rubbish when it's turned around, right women? ;>

Hell... if we asked for these things we'd have to be lesbians to get it!

--------------------------------------------------------------
PORFEMMEMsg # 31 of 52                   Date: Sat 22/06/1996,  4:46 pm
From: FRECKLES                   Read: 39 times

     To: AIMEE WINN
Subject: Re: what WOmen want

>Sounds like a pile of rubbish when it's turned around, right women? ;>

My thoughts exactly!!!!!I'm very suprised that men wanted any of this
especicially the commitment crap thingy!!!I think men want what ever they
want whenever they want it...just like most human beings I guess...maybe we
should all stay away from each other until we want to mate and then leave
our off spring in cages until they're able to fend for themselves...until
then leave them for people who are paid to look after them so we can all get
on with our lives separatley sort of like what animals do.




--------------------------------------------------------------

PORFEMMEMsg # 32 of 52                   Date: Thu 18/07/1996,  4:37 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 34 times

     To: All
Subject: Joke for the women ;>


Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?




















Being a typical male he wouldn't stop and ask for directions.

;>

--------------------------------------------------------------
PORFEMMEMsg # 33 of 52                   Date: Sat  7/09/1996,  6:02 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 39 times

     To: All
Subject: Humour Lines ;>

MAN TALK                       ENGLISH EQUIVALENT
   ------                      ------- ----------
* You want.             <==>    I know what you should want.

* We need.              <==>    I want.

* It's your decision.   <==>    I'm totally clueless, so you decide and
                                I'll just take half the credit.

* Do what you want.     <==>    I'll just sit on the couch and sulk.

* We need to talk.      <==>    I need to complain

* Sure,... go ahead     <==>    I don't want you to, but I'll use this next
                                time we fight to show how supportive I am.

* I'm hungry.           <==>    (a) Make me something to eat
                                (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape
                                    together your last $$, go drive to the
                                    supermarket, pick up enough for my
                                    buddies and me, come back, cook, and
                                    oh, while you're up get me a beer... I
                                    don't care if what you are doing is
                                    important.

* I'm not upset.        <==>    Of course I'm upset, but only a wuss would
                                admit it.

* You're,... so         <==>    Do you do laundry..cook..windows..bake?
  feminine.

* I'm feeling           <==>    There's no game on tonight.
  romantic tonight.

* I'm not emotional!    <==>    I'm losing my hair.
  And I'm not over-
  reacting!

* Be romantic, turn     <==>    Beer gut?  What beer gut...Ohh....uh..
  out the lights.

* This dining room is   <==>    I can't see the tv from here.
  sooooo inconvenient.

* The car isn't running <==>    I want a bigger engine and more knobs to
  right.                        play with.

* The dishwasher is     <==>    I've run out of places to hide the dirty
  full.                         dishes.

* The remote is broken. <==>    Come here wherever you are and change the
                                channel for me.

* My tools are obsolete.<==>    I can't figure out how to work the old ones
                                and the commercial says even a chimp can
                                use the new ones.

* I need new shoes      <==>    The pair that I've had since high school
                                fell apart in the rain last week.

* I don't need to ask   <==>    Oh God!  Where the *$^#@! am I?!
  for directions, I
  know exactly where
  we are. I'm just
  taking the scenic
  route.

* Want to snuggle?      <==>    I noticed you were almost asleep.

* Do you love me?       <==>    I've done something stupid and you might
                                find out.

* Do you *really*       <==>    I've done something stupid and you're
  love me?                      going to find out sooner or later.

* How much do you love  <==>    I've done something *really* stupid and
  me?                           someone's on their way to tell you now.



 In answer to "What's Wrong?"

* Nothing               <==>    I'm in the middle of a fantasy.  Go away.

* Everything            <==>    Some gorgeous 18 yr. old called me "Sir"

* Nothing, really       <==>    It's just that I'm such an as**ole.

* I don't want to talk  <==>    I'm impotent.
  about it.





--------------------------------------------------------------
PORFEMMEMsg # 34 of 52                   Date: Thu 26/12/1996,  3:42 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 38 times

     To: All
Subject: What women do better ;>

                           What Women Do Better
                            by Susan Seligson


As any woman can attest, there are some things at which her gender naturally
excels.  In the past decade, academic research has offered insight into the
feminine advantage:


The language gap.
=================

Studies show that, on average, women perform better in all aspects of
language usage, says Diane Halpern, a psychology professor and author of Sex
Differences in Cognitive Abilities.  The differences show up early:  girls
begin talking before boys, have larger vocabularies at an earlier age, and
produce more varied and sophisticated sentences.  Data shows that girls
score higher than boys in reading and writing.

Verbal superiority may continue into adulthood.  Studies show that women
excel at certain verbal-fluency tests, such as listing multiple words that
begin with the same letter.  Some researchers have also found that women can
be more adept at learning foreign languages than their male counterparts.


Handy Women.
============

According to psychologist Doreen Kimura, women outperform men on 'precision
manual tasks.'  In studies involving quick, accurate, small movements,
including a pegboard test (in which subjects place small pegs into holes as
quickly as they can), women outperform men.


Super senses.
=============

Women's noses know.  In one study of 1955 men and women, Richard Doty, of a
smell and taste research centre, asked randomly chosen sniffers to identify
scents.  Doty discovered that, on average, women outdid men.  Women also
have a lower odour 'threshold,' meaning that they can detect fainter odours
than men.

Women do better than men on hearing tests, too.  and their hearing
deteriorates less rapidly than men's over time, according to Mary Anne
Baker, a psychology professor.

Besides all that, women are better able to discern and later recall the
location of objects in a given space, which perhaps explains why some
husbands can stare into the refrigerator, eyes focussed directly on the
milk, and ask, "Is there any milk?"


Social savvy.
=============

Women tend to smile and laugh more, gaze more directly at others, and sit or
stand closer to people than men do, according to psychologist Judith Hall.
In 20 studies of video-taped public gatherings, the different was
pronounced.  Female doctors also smile considerably more than their male
colleagues.

Women interrupt less, are more likely to be complimentary, and laugh at
other people's jokes more, reports Linda Carli, a psychology professor who
has spent 13 years studying gender differences in social interactions.  And
women even disagree agreeably, as in 'That's a good point, but...'

In numerous studies, women also read nonverbal cues - facial expressions,
body movements, changes in tone of voice - more accurately than men do,
according to Hall.  Women's faces are generally more expressive than men's
too, says Hall.


Born to lead.
=============

As more women rise to upper management, researchers have examined
differences in how men and women lead.  Women tend to share power, encourage
participation, and lift their employees' sense of self-worth, observes
Professor Judy Rosener.  Many of the women Rosener surveyed believe
subordinates give their best best result when they feel good about
themselves, and women tend to foster that feeling.  In significant contract,
their male counterparts exercise more formal authority and care more about
hierarchy, Rosener found.

Women also score higher on 'integrity tests' designed to predict discipline
problems on the job, according to Frank Schmidt, a professor of human
resources.  These tests - which indicate possible problems such as tardiness
and a tendency to steal - revealed gender differences.


In the swim.
============

The world record for swimming the English Channel was set in 1978 by Penny
Dean from California.  Lynn Cox was the only perdson to swim the Bering
Strait.

The reason behind the female edge in long-distance swimming may be a higher
percentage of body fat.  This extra fat maintains body temperature in cold
water and increases buoyancy.  Christine Wells, a physical-education
professor, suggests that this keeps women at an optimum swimming position
high in the water.

In many cases, of course, science has yet to distinguish inborn differences
between males and females from those fostered by society.  And remember that
study results reflect overall averages - there will always be some cases in
which men perform as well as or better than women.  But research does seem
to explain what wives have wondered all along:  why can't husbands hear the
baby crying?

--                                                         :>

--------------------------------------------------------------
PORFEMMEMsg # 35 of 52                   Date: Mon  1/09/1997,  1:14 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 19 times

     To: HALO                    Fwd From: :       Duh?  How come.......?     
Subject: Re: R3: Re: Something interesting :>

>>>>>>... And now the cycle can start afresh ;>  hehehehehe
>>>>>Only I'm avoiding both of them at any costs!!  Well...I'm trying to
>>>>>anyway... :>
>>>>The only way to do that is to move and change your phone number ;>
>>>Good plan...you know any good cosmetic surgeons? :>
>>
>>I have some Bondifill and am fairly good at skulpting....
>>Got any Fleshtone Makeup...    dWink
>
>Well I was planning to go for a more sculptured look next season... :>

Anorexia?
Reply
#4
PORFEMMEMsg # 36 of 52                   Date: Sat 16/08/1997,  1:54 pm

From: AIMEE                      Read: 26 times

     To: XLNC                    Fwd From: :       Duh?  How come.......?     
Subject: Re: DUHd Relationshypz

>>>When was the last time you refused Free milk just because somone else
>>>has had a drink b 4 u.
>
>> Only when it was still in their mouths.
>
>Must admit I havn't done that with Milk    dSmile

I'm NOT going to ask!

8-X

--------------------------------------------------------------

PORFEMMEMsg # 37 of 52                   Date: Mon 10/11/1997,  9:17 pm
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 22 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All
Subject: Stupid men

Stupid Men Jokes
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds Mature.

What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

Why do men want to mary virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
I went to the County Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or not?" Shows.
They had a man born with a penis and a brain.


What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
No mind.
No business.

How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or
how long it'll stay.

Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?
He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

Why are men like laxatives?
They irritate the shit out of you.

What do you call an intelligent man in Australia?
A tourist.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

If men got pregnant....
abortion would be available in convienience stores and drive through windows

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all
their decisions.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good
looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.

Why do men like masturbation?
It's sex with someone they love.

How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.

What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed, "how sad -
a dead bird." The other man looked up and said, "where?"

Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?
To keep the swellin down.


Zos:  :>

--------------------------------------------------------------
PORFEMMEMsg # 38 of 52                   Date: Wed 12/11/1997,  1:28 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 20 times  [1 Reply]

     To: ZOSIMOS
Subject: Re: Stupid men

>Stupid Men Jokes

Big Grin

--------------------------------------------------------------

PORFEMMEMsg # 39 of 52                   Date: Sat 15/11/1997,  9:51 pm
From: HALO                       Read: 19 times

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Re: Stupid men

>>Stupid Men Jokes
>
>Big Grin

>Big Grin

--------------------------------------------------------------

PORFEMMEMsg # 40 of 52                   Date: Thu 11/12/1997,  7:02 pm
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 15 times

     To: All
Subject: Men!

50 facts about men...



1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.  They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few
weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my
husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich"  usually
cancels out the nice of "bald."

5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where
there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he
watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help
his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living
room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case
they call him.

7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off
season.

8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being
the first is upsetting to their psyches.

10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever
care about anyone else.

12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn  in
private; in public they have to know.

13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow,
instead of a gun.

15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have
jobs and bathe.

16. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a
combination address book, telescope and piano.

17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These
seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the
last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get
a bikini wax.

20. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me
for a list of names.

21. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types:
depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out
in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like  portable
heaters that snore. :>

24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a
man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out
of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

25. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the
first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more
types of lettuce, he is serious.

27. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got
older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a
nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and
butterflies.

28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter
and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.

29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying
he wished he could be Cary Grant.

30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE
WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

34. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and
creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's
my car?"

35. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...   he
didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

36. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we
going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it
out of sight of women.

38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get
out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If
you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to
marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you
look great." Mitch:"Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great."
Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a
woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because
their clothes all button and zip in the front.
Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally
and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying
with Barbie.

45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she
will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his
closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female
menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to
date young girls and drive fast cars. :>

47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten
what happened.

49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

50. All men would still really like to own a train set.

--------------------------------------------------------------
PORFEMMEMsg # 41 of 52                   Date: Thu 11/12/1997,  7:04 pm
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 14 times

     To: All
Subject: Men (again)


Hazardous Materials (Man)...



Element : Man

Symbol : Ah (short for Asshole)

Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as
4 inches.

Discoverer : Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for
ribs)

Occurrence : Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration
near a perfect Wo specimen.

Physical properties :

a) Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.

b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common
Sense, melts if treated like a God.

c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).

d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.

e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo.


f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.

g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to
extremely thick.

h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.

i) When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when
subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied

Chemical properties :

a) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is
possible.

b) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely
favourable conditions.

c) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.

d) Usually willing to react with whatever is available.

e) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction effects
(which tend to turn the specimen bright red.)

f) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.


g) When saturated with alcohol, will be fairly inert and will repel most
other elements.

h) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.

i) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of
the malodorous variety.

j) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

Storage :

a) Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for
favourable reaction style.

a) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for
Wo...

b) Can be used in recreational activities.

Tests :

a) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens
broadcast information on many wavelengths.

Caution :

a) Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with
reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very
malleable under correct conditions.
Reply
#5
PORFEMMEMsg # 42 of 52                   Date: Mon  9/02/1998,  7:00 am

From: SON OF C                   Read: 20 times  [1 Reply]

     To: SEX TOYS OF MEN
Subject: a break in

....(creeeeaak)....

Hmmm?  My God, look at the rat droppings, no-one has been here for
a while.

....(scamper)....

Hmmm? Yikes! Look at all these chocolate wrappers....

....(rustle)....

Hmmm? Damn! Not a crumb left.

....(sidle)....

Hmmm? Whats in this plastic bag?

....(rummage)...

   **Jackpot**   **Jackpot**   **Rainbow's End**

Hmmm! Spare panties!!....Wow, this bit of string must be a thong, I
wonder who this article belongs to.

....(clip clop, glass tinkle)...

Hmmm??? ...Oh, shite... I think someone's coming back...

....(tiptoe, shuffle)...

Whew! Good thing its dark in this cupboard....

....(chitter,scrabble,scraaatch)...

(gulp)..OH, MIGOD, NO!!!

---
 þ SLMR 2.1a þ The kitchen's thataway, honey, rustle up some grub, wilya

--------------------------------------------------------------
PORFEMMEMsg # 43 of 52                   Date: Mon  9/02/1998, 10:04 pm
From: XLNC                       Read: 17 times  [1 Reply]

     To: SON OF C
Subject: Re: a break in

>....(clip clop, glass tinkle)...
>Hmmm??? ...Oh, shite... I think someone's coming back...
>....(tiptoe, shuffle)...
>Whew! Good thing its dark in this cupboard....
>....(chitter,scrabble,scraaatch)...
>(gulp)..OH, MIGOD, NO!!!

Hmmm NOw where the hell did I leave my thong...

--------------------------------------------------------------

PORFEMMEMsg # 44 of 52                   Date: Tue 10/02/1998,  3:46 am
From: SON OF C                   Read: 17 times

     To: XLNC
Subject: Hey! XLNC, you transistor

XL>>....(clip clop, glass tinkle)...
XL>>Hmmm??? ...Oh, shite... I think someone's coming back...
XL>>....(tiptoe, shuffle)...
XL>>Whew! Good thing its dark in this cupboard....
XL>>....(chitter,scrabble,scraaatch)...
XL>>(gulp)..OH, MIGOD, NO!!!

XL>Hmmm NOw where the hell did I leave my thong...

Hey, XLNC? This is just a wild guess, but, as a young'un, you didn't
have posters of Dame Edna, Danny La Rue and Carmen on your bedroom wall,
didja?

We may be trespassing here, y'know? If someone should catch us, I
couldn't borrow that slinky red number, could I?

---
 þ SLMR 2.1a þ I'd like to Thing a Thong juth for you, XTHLNTH.

--------------------------------------------------------------
PORFEMMEMsg # 45 of 52                   Date: Mon 16/02/1998,  3:01 am
From: HORUS                      Read: 15 times  [1 Reply]

     To: XLNC
Subject: pert wench


XL>>Hmmm NOw where the hell did I leave my thong...

H>Hey, XLNC? This is just a wild guess, but, as a young'un, you didn't
H>have posters of Dame Edna, Danny La Rue and Carmen on your bedroom
H>wall, didja? We may be trespassing here, y'know? If someone
H>should catch us, I couldn't borrow that slinky red number, could I?

XL>Sorry bud, theres not enough room in it for the 2 ov us!   q8}

Oops, how silly of me! Don't you just HATE it when your body retains
water.

(slap)

...why you little bitch...

(tussle, rent, tweak)

...gimme that dress, slut...

(hairpull, cellulite grab....riiiiip!)

Hey!! Nice boob job, where'd the doctor hide your scars?

---
 þ SLMR 2.1a þ

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PORFEMMEMsg # 46 of 52                   Date: Sat 14/03/1998,  1:53 am
From: RASPUTIN                   Read: 22 times

     To: HORUS
Subject: pert wench

Bumper sticker seen on back of 4wd containing 3 larger ladies:

               GO BRA LESS
   It'll pull the wrinkles out your face

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PORFEMMEMsg # 47 of 52                   Date: Mon 29/03/1999, 12:58 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 16 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All
Subject: For the ladies :>

Why does a man become smarter during sex?
Because he's plugged into a genius.

Why doesn't a woman blink during foreplay?
She doesn't have time.

Why does it take millions of sperm to fertilize an egg?
Only one of them will stop and ask for directions.

Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why doesn't a woman have the same size brain as a man?
Because she doesn't have a penis to keep it in.

What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
They were intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up
playing with them.

Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

Why does a man masturbate so much?
It's sex with someone who loves and understands him.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they won't hump your leg at cocktail parties.

Why did God make man before woman?
Rough draft.

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So a man can tell if he's coming or going.

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
Nobody knows-it hasn't happened yet.



;>


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PORFEMMEMsg # 48 of 52                   Date: Sun  4/04/1999,  4:22 am
From: GURU                       Read: 15 times  [2 Retorts]

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Re: For the ladies :>

>How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
>Nobody knows-it hasn't happened yet.

I believe in always leaving BOTH the seat and the cover down. That way it
inconveniences both sexes equally.

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PORFEMMEMsg # 49 of 52                   Date: Mon  5/04/1999, 11:12 pm
From: AIMEE                      Read: 10 times

     To: GURU
Subject: Re: For the ladies :>

>>How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
>>Nobody knows-it hasn't happened yet.
>
>I believe in always leaving BOTH the seat and the cover down. That way it
>inconveniences both sexes equally.

I didn't see any such thing last time you visited ;>

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PORFEMMEMsg # 50 of 52                   Date: Tue  6/04/1999,  9:10 pm
From: RAS                        Read: 12 times  [1 Reply]

     To: GURU
Subject: Re: For the ladies :>

>>How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
>>Nobody knows-it hasn't happened yet.
>
>I believe in always leaving BOTH the seat and the cover down. That way it
>inconveniences both sexes equally.

I've put my seat AND lid down for many years, for hygiene reasons.
(I mean, what else is the the lid for.)
Tho I have put both down in others places in the interests of equality :>

I find it interesting that women think they their convenience overrides
that of the man. The smart woman will leave it up, as she knows that the
typical ignorant male will just piss on the seat. Or she'll be hygienic and
put the lid down, in which case the male is unlikely to lift just the lid
when going for a piss. Women CLAIM they're more hygienic, but they don't
seem to put it in practice with toilets. Plus men don't try to flush
sanitary pads and flood the place, now do we :>no

Which reminds me of some lyrics off Sheik Yerbouti (sp?)...
Ring a bell anyone?

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PORFEMMEMsg # 51 of 52                   Date: Mon 12/04/1999, 11:14 am
From: AIMEE                      Read: 8 times

     To: RAS
Subject: Re: For the ladies :>

>>I believe in always leaving BOTH the seat and the cover down. That way it
>>inconveniences both sexes equally.
>
>I've put my seat AND lid down for many years, for hygiene reasons.

Is that coz the wee darling may have played in the water or fallen in?  :>

>seem to put it in practice with toilets. Plus men don't try to flush
>sanitary pads and flood the place, now do we :>no

Err.. nor do we!  The last thing we want is to have a plummer come over,
find one of those and give us an embarrassing time!

>Which reminds me of some lyrics off Sheik Yerbouti (sp?)...
>Ring a bell anyone?

<thunk>  Nope...

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PORFEMMEMsg # 52 of 52                   Date: Sat  1/05/1999,  5:15 pm
From: RAS                        Read: 8 times

     To: All
Subject: How to get more sex...

TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.  I have
 succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
 54 times the sheets were clean
 17 times it was too late
 49 times you were too tired
 20 times it was too hot
 15 times you pretended to be asleep
 22 times you had a headache
 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
 16 times you said you were too sore
 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
 19 times you had to get up early
  9 times you said weren't in the mood
  7 times you were sunburned
  6 times you were watching the late show
  5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
  3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
  9 times you said your mother would hear us

  Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
  6 times you just laid there
  8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
  4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
  7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
  1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move>>>>>>>


   TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND,
 I think you have things a little confused.
 Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

   5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
   36 times you did not come home at all
   21 times you didn't cum
   33 times you came too soon
   19 times you went soft before you got in
   38 times you worked too late
   10 times you got cramps in your toes
   29 times you had to get up early to play golf
   2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
   4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
   3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
   2 times you had a splinter in your finger
   20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
   6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
   98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV

   Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you
   missed and were screwing the sheets.  I wasn't talking about the crack
   in the ceiling, what I said was , "Would you prefer me on my back or
   kneeling?"
   The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
   breathe.
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