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Internet: Wanna be an Internet Geek?
#1
INTERNETMsg # 1 of 55                    Date: Thu 22/05/1997,  3:24 am  [E]

From: AIMEE                      Read: 34 times  [1 Reply]

     To: HYDRA                   Fwd From: : Computer Conf, Buy, Sell, Problem
Subject: Re: HTML ... again

><a href="http://www.aimee.is.god.com/aimee_rules/" target=link-frame>

Lemme guess... you're checking to see if I read all this stuff, right? ;>

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INTERNETMsg # 2 of 55                    Date: Thu 22/05/1997, 11:50 am  [E]
From: RASPUTIN                   Read: 35 times

     To: HYDRA                   Fwd From: : Computer Conf, Buy, Sell, Problem
Subject: Re: HTML ... again

>><a href="http://www.aimee.is.god.com/aimee_rules/" target=link-frame>
>
>Lemme guess... you're checking to see if I read all this stuff, right? ;>

Damn!, Aim‚e can read HTML.
Best we comment it out:
 <!--
  <a href="http://www.aimee.is.god.com/aimee_rules/" target=link-frame>
 -->
So it wont appear on her Browser :>

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INTERNETMsg # 3 of 55                    Date: Sat  9/08/1997, 10:51 pm  [E]
From: RASPUTIN                   Read: 19 times

     To: BLOODSWORD
Subject: Re: New BBS features prop

> Ra> ... Opera, better'n both NS AND IE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>Search Engines suck! Wink so does Netscape...of any type... IE is barely
>tolerable. Wink

Errm, MSIE, Netscape, Cello, Lynx, Opera... are Browsers, not Search
Engines.  Search Engines are used by search sites (eg. Excite, Alta Vista),
and Meta Search sites use multiple search sites.

If a search engine sucks, maybe you've not learn't to use it effectively,
you can't expect the best results from just plugging in a coupla keywords,
the different engines perform well if used specifically, eg.:

Lycos: keywords are searched as substrings, unless you append a full-stop at
 the end of a word.
 ("light" will return 'light', 'searchlight', 'moonlight', and 'lightning',
  "light." will only return 'light').

Magellan: Uses ICE (Intelligent Concept Extractor) which can include
 synonymous keywords (ie. it adds similar words to your search),
 and the Find_Similar option does a new search based on keywords extracted
 from the page your at at the time.

- Different Search Engines give better results on different subjects/types
of searches.
- Search sites can be Search_Engines AND/OR Indexes (there's a difference),
   (Yahoo is an example of this)
- Some search sites use the same search engine!

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INTERNETMsg # 4 of 55                    Date: Mon  8/09/1997,  1:46 am  [E]
From: RASPUTIN                   Read: 18 times  [1 Reply]

     To: BLOODSWORD
Subject: Re: Chat-Geek-Woman-Man!

>Did you enjoy the masquarade???
>I'm sure the guys enjoyed it!!! Wink
>
><for explanation and discussion about internet sex see Rasputin>
>
>... Adultery: Putting Yourself In Someone Else's Position.

Fitting tagline there BloodSword.
THREE! guys gave me there email address and pleaded for me to email them.
Scary stuff. though flattering <depraved grin>
I reckon i made at least two of the guys 'satisfied' for the time being.
I'm not quite sure how i feel about doing this, but that doesn't stop me
looking for a way for it to work as a (genuine) male.

Being female sure is different though, for one, i have to be thinking of
what pleases a guy, and i have to remember to change my conversation style
to match a womans way of expressing herself, rather than how a guy does.

What am I on about you ask? I went on webchat, and I found little action,
very few females, so I went on as a female, and boyo did i get busy!
Playing the female role in sex chat really allows me to take many liberties,
like putting the onus of performance on the guy, etc.

Was there anything wrong with what i did?
I do feel a bit sorry for the guy I came clean with though...




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INTERNETMsg # 5 of 55                    Date: Tue  9/09/1997,  9:41 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 18 times  [1 Reply]

     To: RASPUTIN
Subject: Re: Chat-Geek-Woman-Man!

>What am I on about you ask? I went on webchat, and I found little action,
>very few females, so I went on as a female, and boyo did i get busy!
>Playing the female role in sex chat really allows me to take many liberties,
>like putting the onus of performance on the guy, etc.
>
>Was there anything wrong with what i did?
>I do feel a bit sorry for the guy I came clean with though...
>

I would say that that 86% of girls on IRC are actually men, 10% dikes, 2%
red-haired sysops and the other 2% would be Rasputin and Zosimos ;>

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INTERNETMsg # 6 of 55                    Date: Tue 19/08/1997,  7:29 pm  [E]
From: RASPUTIN                   Read: 27 times

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Bizarre/funny email addresses & domains

This is from the net trends page of NetGuide #10.
  You can't help but praise those on the internet for originality and
  ingenuity. lately we've come across some interesting domain names and
  email addresses. Here's our pick of the best:

* me@my.net   (empty at the moment)
* howling@themoon.com
* hyper.active.co.za, radio.active.co.za
* waiting@busstop.com
* clark@daily.planet.net
* superman@up.up.and.away.com
         (webmasters address is geek@night.com)
* right.back@you.com
* someone@nowhere.com
* uu.uu.uu.pobox.com  (double-u, double-u, double-u... haha)
* me@atdot.ind.wpi.edu (try reading that out over the phone Smile
* gratuitouslylonghostname.apana.org.au
* rumour.mil.nz (disallowed by registrar for NZ's .mil domain)
* you.got.net (also we.got.net, god.got.net,
        satan.got.net & yrmom.got.net)
* do.not.touch.their.net
* reallydeep.pothole.com
* me@this.net
* multiple.org  (hmmm...Wink
* mayo.nais.com
* deadhackers.cia.net
* sci.fi  (based in Finland)
* governmentally-induced.paranoia.com
* ohsaycan.ucc.america.edu (for the truly patriotic American)
* padded.sel.cam.ac.uk (students computer at Cambridge Uni. UK)
* alice@wonderland.standford.edu
* vo.mit.edu  (also dam.mit.edu)
* drag.net
* jump.to (the home of Jump Words, in the Tongan domain)
* wild@heart.com

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INTERNETMsg # 7 of 55                    Date: Sun  8/03/1998,  6:32 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 21 times

     To: All
Subject: A place to look.


Here's an interesting place to go on the net.  http://www.gvtc.com/~unix1/

It has some very very good software listed. But you must not download it and
install it on your computer! That would be very bad!

Personally I think that people that download pirated software should be shot
and  <BANG!>

[NO CARRIER]

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INTERNETMsg # 8 of 55                    Date: Thu 12/03/1998,  9:30 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 18 times

     To: ZOSIMOS
Subject: Re: Chat-Geek-Woman-Man!


>I would say that that 86% of girls on IRC are actually men, 10% dikes, 2%
>red-haired sysops and the other 2% would be Rasputin and Zosimos ;>

Oh and I nearly forgot: 50% Internal affairs sting operators.


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INTERNETMsg # 9 of 55                    Date: Sun 19/04/1998,  5:24 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 16 times

     To: All
Subject: 56K modems


Attached is a very interesting article on 56K modem tech, history and
future, in HTML format.

Zos.

Message has attached file (56K.HTM, 51k). Download now?  Na  Yup   Na 
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INTERNETMsg # 10 of 55                   Date: Fri 14/08/1998,  5:25 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 13 times

     To: All
Subject: Sites :>

It's a good idea to keep the man in your life away from the Poor Bachelor's
Cooking Page (http://wwwpersonal.umich.edu/TILBAdoughhelm/recipes.html).
The site features recipes that are, er, interesting to say the least.  But
if cottage cheese and bacon noodles or macaroni and cheese with tuna and
peas sound like your cup of tea, bon appetit!

-------------------

For the latest news you're unlikely to read in the paper, take a look at
Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird archive (http://www.nine.org/notw/archive
.html).  It has loads of interesting facts and figures that probably didn't
make the front page.

-------------------

So you think you're pretty smart?  Check out http://www.puzz.com, which has
riddles, games, brain teasers, IQ tests, trivia quizzes, puzzles and
contests :>

--------------------

An insult a day keeps the stress away!

Check out the Virtual Insult Web Cards site
(http://www.virtualinsults.com/main.html) and send an insulting card, gift or note
to an unsuspecting friend or foe.  :>


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INTERNETMsg # 11 of 55                   Date: Sat 10/10/1998,  1:17 am  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 13 times

     To: All
Subject: Sites to see :>

For something historical, visit http://www.historyhouse.com.  This site offers
intelligent, witty and well-researched stories, reviews and essays about
everything from Peter the Great's family values, through the Ancient Greeks
crotch-grabbing law, to the battle of the dictionaries - Webster vs
Worcester!



'The Bureau of Missing Socks' is the first organisation solely devoted to
solving the question of what happens to missing single socks.  Let's face
it, we've all got a pile of forlorn socks that have been abandoned by their
mate.  This site (http://www.jagat.com/joel/socks.html) details sock enforcement,
has the largest database on socks since the birth of the shoe and explores
all aspects of the phenomenon including the occult, conspiracy theories and
extraterrestrial forces.  The socks are out there...


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INTERNETMsg # 12 of 55                   Date: Sat 10/10/1998,  1:34 am  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 13 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All
Subject: Moore sites :>

The Durex World website is great entertainment, and now Durex Beach, and
Aussie offspring of Durex World, is where you can find out who most
Australian men would like to sleep with.  Based on our traditional beach
culture, it provides relevant info to do with sex Down Under.  You can also
send a steamy postcard to a lover.  Just go to the site http://www.durex.com and
select the country in the International pages function.


Everyone loves chocolate, but how many of us know exactly what's IN a
chocolate bar?  Test your choco-skills at a site where you'll be presented
with a selection of mystery bars and asked to name them.
http://www.sci.mus.mn.us/sln/tf/c/crosssection/namethatbar.html.

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INTERNETMsg # 13 of 55                   Date: Wed 21/10/1998, 10:01 pm  [E]
From: XLNC                       Read: 16 times

     To: AIMEE
Subject: Re: Moore sites :>


>The Durex World website is great entertainment, and now Durex Beach, and
>Aussie offspring of Durex World, is where you can find out who most
>Australian men would like to sleep with.  Based on our traditional beach

But if you ask for Durex in Aussi... They'll give you a roll of
cellotape...

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INTERNETMsg # 14 of 55                   Date: Wed 28/10/1998,  5:53 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 16 times

     To: All Netters :>
Subject: Song

Here's one for you Cyber Lovers out there Big Grin


Message has attached file (ONTHEINT.ZIP, 1618k). Download now?  Na  Yup   Na 
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INTERNETMsg # 15 of 55                   Date: Thu  5/11/1998,  1:31 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 15 times

     To: All
Subject: Places to go.. people to see...

If you feel the need to waste electrons, turn to The Useless Pages where you
can peruse the extensive collection of the world's most futile websites.
Check out the Rights for Gay Chickens site, or the Saddam Hussein Photo
Gallery.  Then there's a real favourite, the Top Ten Glue Tastes site, for
'When sniffing isn't good enough'!
(Http://www.go2net.com/internet/useless)

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INTERNETMsg # 16 of 55                   Date: Sat  5/09/1998, 10:32 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 24 times

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: ICQ


There is a neato little program out there on the Web that everyone is using.
Its about as popular, and widespread as Netscape.
Its called ICQ , short for "I seek you" basically it runs in the background
when you are on the internet, you configure it so that when ever any of your
friends with ICQ are also on the net, you can chat, send instant messages,
transfer files or exchange URL's in an instant.

It takes a while to get the hang of all the settings but once you do, it's
probably the best thing I've seen for having fun on the net.
I have set mine up so that anyone can drop in for a chat, and believe me
they do!
 I'll be busy downloading a file and a request will come through much the
same as they do on this board, for a chat. Most of the time I just fire off
instant messages one at a time. Much like on here. The messages just pop-up
on your desktop. There is also a full screen chat option.

My list of contacts is getting longer and longer as I make more "friends".
Tonight I got a chat request from what lokked liked a 13 y/o French
Canadian girl, at 3am in the morning, Canadian time.
 I asked what she was doing up so late only to discover that it was in fact
the girls brother's mate that was the sole survivor of the nights
festivities and he had turned the computer on for a play. We exchanged chat
for hours, while I went about my usual internet activities.
 I sent him files and pictures of my race cars (hey he asked OK!) and now
when his mates sister next goes online she'll have a new "Contact" on her
list.  I wonder what her parents will say.  :>

I recommend that everyone on the net gets it installed, its free, and its an
amazing program.
If you are like me and have a large number of friends that use the internet,
and they all run this program, its amazing just how quickly you can exchange
info. You allways know when they are online if you have set them up to be
visable to you, and visa versa.

 Download it next time your on the net!  My ICQ number is 13330243.
Most people seem to add it to their E-mail address details.
 If you allready have an ICQ# let me know and I'll add you to my contact
list.

Zosimos@bigfoot.com

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INTERNETMsg # 17 of 55                   Date: Tue 10/11/1998,  7:35 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 14 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All
Subject: More on ICQ...


Its been two months since I last wrote of the wonders of ICQ.
In that time I have made many, many new friends. The guy from Canada that
went online as his mates sister (Jean Francois) now has his own ICQ number.
I have been teaching a lady in Beijing to speak English slang.
I have taught two complete computer newbies to use their systems to the max.
One lady, Julie, from Sydney was unlucky enough to choose me as her very
first random chat partner. We now talk almost every night and only a few
short weeks she has gone from knowing nothing about the computer she bought
along with her husband, to now knowing far more than he does.
 To the extent that he now has little tantrums as he lost all control over
what is installed on what was once his "baby".  :>

She can now create folders, install software (including cracks :>) she has
upgraded nearly all his old software, installed a soundcard, speakers and a
microphone so that she can talk online. I introduced her to another one of
my "students" from Sydney and the two of them are now great friends.
 I taught them both how to create their own web-pages complete with music
and animations...


Last thursday a large Basket of flowers arrived at work, inside was an
assortment of chocolates, fruit, nuts and cheeses. It was from Sydney and
was sent by Julie and Cindy as thanks for all the help.
Later that night I got a call on my mobile and a very quiet delicate voice
asked if I was Ron.. It was Jenny from Beijing, China. She wanted to to hear
my voice and say "thanks" for all the help.

It is so rewarding helping, talking and sharing with so many people from
such varied places and backgrounds. One night last week a had a 17 y/o girl
from Hong Kong tell me how much she hated her teachers and school in
general. At the same time Rose from Tasmania was telling me how much she
hates teaching.....  hehe theres never a dull moment.

So if anyone has been wondering where Zosimos has gone to lately, now you
know..  Smile Im sorry to have neglected the BBS message areas, but I just
havent managed to find the time for much else. Sad

Last weekend was one of those "turning points" in my life and things have
taken another turn in my life. Nothing that most people would notice, but
enough of a chance for me to re-focus a little. Hopefully I will now have
more time to check in here more often.  Smile

Good night!  seeya online...  Zosimos

-
Reply
#2
INTERNETMsg # 18 of 55                   Date: Fri 18/12/1998,  7:43 am  [E]

From: SPITFIRE                   Read: 15 times  [2 Retorts]

     To: ZOSIMOS
Subject: Re: More on ICQ...

Are you using the newest version? ICQ99a?

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INTERNETMsg # 19 of 55                   Date: Tue 17/11/1998, 11:16 pm  [E]
From: BLOODSWORD                 Read: 14 times

     To: SPITFIRE
Subject: More on ICQ...

 Sp> Are you using the newest version? ICQ99a?

Notyet. I be hearings that 'tis buggy and open for hacker's suggestion
but i'm not shure.

... The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch <old saying>

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INTERNETMsg # 20 of 55                   Date: Wed 18/11/1998,  3:37 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 16 times

     To: All
Subject: Sites to see

'Cheese and rice superstar' was the way one Cleo staffer heard the words to
the song 'jesus christ™ Superstar' - a mistake which rightly deserves a place
in the Internet's archive of misheard lyrics at http://www.kissthisguy.com/.
With well over 1700 bungled verses, this site includes some classic
bloopers, such as Elton John's 'Don't let the sun go down on me' which was
sung as 'Don't let your son go down on me';  Olivia Newton-John's
'Hopelessly devoted to you' as 'Hope I see a doughnut in you'; and Otis
Redding's 'Sittin' on the dock of the bay' as 'Sittin' on the dock of
Bombay'.


On a more morbid note, at http://www.ca-probate.com/will.htm you'll find the
last wills and testaments of a number of celebrities, including Diana, John
Lennon and Marilyn Monroe.


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INTERNETMsg # 21 of 55                   Date: Sun 20/12/1998,  4:03 pm  [E]
From: LINT                       Read: 13 times

     To: BLOODSWORD
Subject: Re: More on ICQ...

>Notyet. I be hearings that 'tis buggy and open for hacker's suggestion
>but i'm not shure.

That didn't stop people using windows...

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INTERNETMsg # 22 of 55                   Date: Mon 21/12/1998,  3:47 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 13 times

     To: SPITFIRE
Subject: Re: More on ICQ...

>Are you using the newest version? ICQ99a?

No, and I won't be for some time.. I run a completly hacked version of
ICQ98a it will allow me to add anyone I want without their permission and I
can allways see the IP address of the people that are on my list.  (Which is
vital for both hacking and deterring hackers alike)

Secondly , most of the people that I know have changed back to 98 after only
a few days..

Zos




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INTERNETMsg # 23 of 55                   Date: Fri 20/11/1998,  6:37 pm  [I]
From: RYLOTH                     Read: 12 times

     To: BLOODSWORD              Origin: 13:666/4546
Subject: Re: More on ICQ...

B>  Sp> Are you using the newest version? ICQ99a?
B>
B> Notyet. I be hearings that 'tis buggy and open for hacker's suggestion
B> but i'm not shure.

Naaa its not open to hackers but its a memory hog and takes up to 10 times
longer to load and login to the icq network...
dont use it Smile

--- Squish v1.11
 * Origin: None (13:666/4546)
SEEN-BY: 666/1 12 18 340 911 4546 4645
 

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INTERNETMsg # 24 of 55                   Date: Wed 25/11/1998,  2:59 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 11 times

     To: BLOODSWORD
Subject: Re: More on ICQ...

>Yeah? What version is this??? ICQ98a-beta z??? <grin>

Nah... the Beta-Zed version knows who you want to talk to before you do! :>

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INTERNETMsg # 25 of 55                   Date: Wed  2/12/1998,  7:47 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 11 times

     To: All
Subject: More web sites to looky at :>

Most people around the world are patriotic in some way or another.  For the
best - and worst - national traits, check out the Cultural Jokes site
(http://www.bridgey.com/jokes/cuture.html).  If you're Italian, for
instance, you don't have to worry about tax returns, and you can wear
sunglasses inside.  If you're a Yank, you can get a gun and spell 'colour'
wrongly.

----------------------------

'Step right up and gasp at the mule-faced woman, the three-legged man and
the three-breasted woman!'  Steel yourself and take a peek at Shocked And
Amazed (http://www.atomicbooks.com/shocked/midway.html).  The website has a
gruesome collection of pictures from travelling freak shows - some bizarre,
some dubious, some horrifying and sad.


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INTERNETMsg # 26 of 55                   Date: Wed  9/12/1998,  8:25 pm  [E]
From: RAS                        Read: 12 times  [1 Reply]

     To: zosimos
Subject: which isp?

Once again comes the question: Which ISP is for me.
They're are a few new players since I last thought I'd buy in.
Most ppl recommend Paradise.net, but they said in InfoTech that they're
discouraging the occassional users, and the heaviest users; They want the
mainstream users. Besides, they want me to commit to $10/month, (as do
IhuG) and I don't want that sort of financial commitment.
Clear seem attractive, despite $2.50/hr. as: they seem a big (dependable)
 player (unlikely to go bust - I don't want to change email addresses),
and email itself is easily affordable as it takes S.F.A. time to do offline.


Please recommend an ISP or 2+ (but not Xtra) to consider, based on:
- dependable/reliable (as well as least restrictions)
- no minimum payment. (sign up fee not relevant)(Have Visa.)
- Used mainly for a little email (offline) , maybe a mailing list for a
    while, say 1 to 2 hours a month max on the web (specific searches),
- Use any browser (I use Opera as browser of choice, will use another (as
     recommended) for any features Opera lacks).
- I may want to chat or check out UseNet if I feel rich occassionally,
  and can do without a webpage (would like but have no content).

Ta, Ras.

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INTERNETMsg # 27 of 55                   Date: Sun 13/12/1998,  2:35 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 12 times

     To: RAS
Subject: Re: which isp?

>Clear seem attractive, despite $2.50/hr. as: they seem a big (dependable)
> player (unlikely to go bust - I don't want to change email addresses),
>and email itself is easily affordable as it takes S.F.A. time to do offline.

I use clear... just the setup costs, and then if I ring offpeak it's only
about $2.  Also, if I'm feeling poor, if I don't use the internet, I don't
have a bill to pay :>

Oh yeah... and I've *never* had an engaged signal with them :>

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INTERNETMsg # 28 of 55                   Date: Mon 14/12/1998,  6:34 pm  [E]
From: PIPES                      Read: 13 times

     To: All
Subject: http://www.com!

Hehehe, someone took the site http://www.com!!!

and for the sysops out there check out...

http://www.pcmicro.com/bbs

VERY GOOD SITE!

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INTERNETMsg # 29 of 55                   Date: Sat 19/12/1998,  1:59 am  [E]
From: RAS                        Read: 10 times

     To: All
Subject: Repost from ages ago...

I posted this ages ago... seemed funnier then... here goes...

This is from the net trends page of NetGuide #10.
  You can't help but praise those on the internet for originality and
  ingenuity. lately we've come across some interesting domain names and
  email addresses. Here's our pick of the best:

* me@my.net   (empty at the moment)
* howling@themoon.com
* hyper.active.co.za, radio.active.co.za
* waiting@busstop.com
* clark@daily.planet.net
* superman@up.up.and.away.com
   (webmasters address is geek@night.com)
* right.back@you.com
* someone@nowhere.com
* uu.uu.uu.pobox.com  (double-u, double-u, double-u... haha)
* me@atdot.ind.wpi.edu (try reading that out over the phone Smile
* gratuitouslylonghostname.apana.org.au
* rumour.mil.nz (disallowed by registrar for NZ's .mil domain)
* you.got.net (also we.got.net, god.got.net,
    satan.got.net & yrmom.got.net)
* do.not.touch.their.net
* reallydeep.pothole.com
* me@this.net
* multiple.org  (hmmm...Wink
* mayo.nais.com
* deadhackers.cia.net
* sci.fi  (based in Finland)
* governmentally-induced.paranoia.com
* ohsaycan.ucc.america.edu (for the truly patriotic American)
* padded.sel.cam.ac.uk (students computer at Cambridge Uni. UK)
* alice@wonderland.standford.edu
* vo.mit.edu  (also dam.mit.edu)
* drag.net
* jump.to (the home of Jump Words, in the Tongan domain)
* wild@heart.com


--------------------------------------------------------------
INTERNETMsg # 30 of 55                   Date: Wed 16/12/1998, 10:10 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 20 times

     To: XLNC                    Fwd From: *ShitLink:  What's on telly?       
Subject: Re: TV

>Roll on Saturn.. 40 channels and a full phone system (High speed with
>caller waiting etc for something like $60 a month... Can't wait for the
>actual figures...

Have the figures here....

1 phone line, cable TV, unlimited Internet  all for $88.95

or the above with an extra phone line for $99.95


--------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNETMsg # 31 of 55                   Date: Tue  9/02/1999,  2:10 am  [E]
From: GOLLUM                     Read: 16 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All                     Fwd From: :      Board Shitless Visitor Info 
Subject: Gollum's Homepage !


Hi everyone ! Please stop by at my homepage sometime.

HTTP://WESTWOOD.FORTUNECITY.COM/AGNES/447

And don't forget to sign my guestbook! 8-)

Seeya.

Gollum.

--------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNETMsg # 32 of 55                   Date: Tue  9/02/1999,  1:14 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 18 times  [1 Reply]

     To: GOLLUM                  Fwd From: :      Board Shitless Visitor Info 
Subject: Re: Gollum's Homepage !

>Hi everyone ! Please stop by at my homepage sometime.
>
>HTTP://WESTWOOD.FORTUNECITY.COM/AGNES/447

Agnes?!  Is there something you haven't told us yet?  ;>

--------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNETMsg # 33 of 55                   Date: Tue  9/02/1999, 11:47 pm  [E]
From: GOLLUM                     Read: 13 times

     To: AIMEE                   Fwd From: :      Board Shitless Visitor Info 
Subject: Re: Gollum's Homepage !

>>Hi everyone ! Please stop by at my homepage sometime.
>>
>>HTTP://WESTWOOD.FORTUNECITY.COM/AGNES/447
>
>Agnes?!  Is there something you haven't told us yet?  ;>

Hehehe, that's right, I live a parallel life as an old lady 8-)

--------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNETMsg # 34 of 55                   Date: Sat 13/02/1999,  1:12 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 10 times

     To: GOLLUM
Subject: Re: Gollum's Homepage !


>
>Hi everyone ! Please stop by at my homepage sometime.
>
>HTTP://WESTWOOD.FORTUNECITY.COM/AGNES/447
>
>And don't forget to sign my guestbook! 8-)
>

I stopped by..  But I saw the Spice Girl pic and had to shut down, format my
hard drive and wash my monitor. So I wasn't able to sign the guestbook,
sorry. :>

--------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNETMsg # 35 of 55                   Date: Sun 14/02/1999, 11:35 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 11 times  [1 Reply]

     To: BLOODSWORD
Subject: Re: Gollum's Homepage !

> >HTTP://WESTWOOD.FORTUNECITY.COM/AGNES/447
> >And don't forget to sign my guestbook! 8-)
>
> Zo> I stopped by..  But I saw the Spice Girl pic and had to shut down,
> Zo> format my hard drive and wash my monitor. So I wasn't able to sign the
> Zo> guestbook, sorry. :>
>
>... you still could be infected y' know Smile

Anyone want a very used pc ? But be warned !!  It may not be what you want,
what you really, really want  Wink

--------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNETMsg # 36 of 55                   Date: Mon 15/02/1999, 10:23 am  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 10 times

     To: BLOODSWORD
Subject: Re: Gollum's Homepage !

>> >HTTP://WESTWOOD.FORTUNECITY.COM/AGNES/447
>> >And don't forget to sign my guestbook! 8-)
>>
>> Zo> I stopped by..  But I saw the Spice Girl pic and had to shut down,
>> Zo> format my hard drive and wash my monitor. So I wasn't able to sign the
>> Zo> guestbook, sorry. :>
>>
>>... you still could be infected y' know Smile
>
>Anyone want a very used pc ? But be warned !!  It may not be what you want,
>what you really, really want  Wink

If he starts going on about Vauxhaul Vivas Forever, grab the white buckley
coat!

--------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNETMsg # 37 of 55                   Date: Thu 31/07/1997, 10:54 pm  [E]
From: RASPUTIN                   Read: 37 times

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: The World Wide Bazaar called the Web

From: Tony Hill <thill@nyx10>
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless,alt.sex,alt.best-of-internet,alt.tasteless.jokes
Subject: Check out this page of WEIRD, WILD STUFF including PICTURES!

I've added a page of truly bizarre links, including links to weird and
tasteless pictures.  Some of this is really crazy, other stuff represents
wild levels of energy to make a small joke.  Beware:  Some of the photos
on these links are downright tasteless.

Bring up my home page at http://www.nyx.net/~thill and look for WEIRD,
WILD STUFF.

--------
**NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS E-MAIL**

My home page is frequently updated!  http://www.nyx.net/~thill


--------------------------------------------------------------
INTERNETMsg # 38 of 55                   Date: Fri 25/09/1998, 12:51 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 27 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: First Cyber Sex experience...

Cyber-Sex On-line computer users often engage in what is affectionately
known as "cyber sex." Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared
through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see
below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an
on-line chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again,
maybe he does...


Zosimos:         Hello, Sweetheart.  What do you look like?

Sweetheart:      I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels.
                 I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect.
                 My measurements are 36-24-36.
                 What do you look like?

Zosimos:         I'm 6' and about 250 pounds.  I wear glasses and I have
                 on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.
                 I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue
                 sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart:      I want you.  Would you like to screw me?

Zosimos:         OK

Sweetheart:      We're in my bedroom.  There's soft music playing on the
                 stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.
                 I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling.  My hand works its
                 way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge,
                 swelling bulge.

Zosimos:         I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart:      I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Zosimos:         Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart:      I'm moaning softly.

Zosimos:         I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart:      I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides
                 off my warm skin.  I'm rubbing you're bulge faster,
                 pulling and rubbing.

Zosimos:         My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
                 hole in your blouse.  I'm sorry.

Sweetheart:      That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Zosimos:         I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart:      Don't worry about it.  I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My
                 soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder
                 and harder.

Zosimos:         I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's
                 stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart:      I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back
                 undoing the clasp.  The bra slides off my body.
                 The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

Zosimos:         How did you do that?  I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
                 the clasp.

Sweetheart:      I'm arching my back.  Oh baby. I just want to feel your
                 tongue all over me.

Zosimos:         I'm dropping the bra.  Now I'm licking your, you know,
                 breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart:      I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm  nibbling
                 your ear.

Zosimos:         I suddenly sneeze.  Your breast are covered with spit and
                 phlegm.

Sweetheart:      What?

Zosimos:         I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart:      I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
                 my blouse.

Zosimos:         I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you.
                 I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart:      OK.  I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
                 hard tool.

Zosimos:         I'm screaming like a woman.  Your hands are cold!  Yeeee!

Sweetheart:      I'm pulling up my miniskirt.  Take off my panties.

Zosimos:         I'm pulling off your panties.  My tongue is going all over,
                 in and out nibbling on you're...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart:      What's the matter?

Zosimos:         I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart:      Are you OK?

Zosimos:         I'm having a coughing fit.  I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart:      Can I help?

Zosimos:         I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
                 through the cabinets, looking for a cup.
                 Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart:      In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Zosimos:         I'm drinking a cup of water.  There, that's better.

Sweetheart:      Come back to me, lover.

Zosimos:         I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart:      I'm on the bed aching for you.

Zosimos:         I'm drying the cup.  Now I'm putting it back in the
                 cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait,
                 it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart:      Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Zosimos:         I found it.

Sweetheart:      I'm tuggin' off your pants.  I'm moaning.  I want you so
                 badly.

Zosimos:         Me too.

Sweetheart:      Your pants are off.  I kiss you passionately-our naked
                 bodies pressing each other.

Zosimos:         Your face is pushing my glasses into my face.  It hurts.

Sweetheart:      Why don't you take off your glasses?

Zosimos:         OK, but I can't see very well without them.  I place the
                 glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart:      I'm bending over the bed.  Give it to me, baby!

Zosimos:         I have to pee.  I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
                 and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart:      Hurry back, lover.

Zosimos:         I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
                 the toilet.  I lift the lid.

Sweetheart:      I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Zosimos:         I'm done going.  I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
                 but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart:      What's the matter now?

Zosimos:         I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
                 Sorry again.  I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly
                 feeling my way.

Sweetheart:      Mmm, yes. Come on.

Zosimos:         OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
                 your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart:      Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Zosimos:         I'm touching your smooth butt.  It feels so nice.  I kiss
                 your neck.  Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart:      I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it
                 another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!

Zosimos:         I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart:      What?

Zosimos:         I'm limp.  I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart:      I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on
                 my face.

Zosimos:         I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my willy all
                 floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart:      No, never mind.  I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
                 underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Zosimos:         No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.
                 I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair
                 spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart:      I'm buttoning my blouse.  Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Zosimos:         I've found my glasses.  I'm putting them on.  My God!  One
                 of your candles fell on the curtain.
                 The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look
                 on my face.

Sweetheart:      Go to hell.  I'm logging off, you loser!

Zosimos:         Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart:      <logged off>
Reply
#3
INTERNETMsg # 39 of 55                   Date: Fri 25/09/1998,  6:44 pm  [E]

From: AIMEE                      Read: 21 times

     To: ZOSIMOS                 Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: First Cyber Sex experience...

>Zosimos:         How did you do that?  I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
>                 the clasp.
>
>Sweetheart:      I'm arching my back.  Oh baby. I just want to feel your
>                 tongue all over me.

You had two of us here hooting and crying with laughter!  Big Grin

--------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNETMsg # 40 of 55                   Date: Sun  4/10/1998,  7:22 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 18 times

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Ug


Online relationships are strange things at the best of times.
They are based on imaginery characters created by bored people. They have
not the slightest hint of failings, after all there is no need to show any
vices or character flaws, the actor is the director, the producer and the
editor.

I had one such incounter unfold over the last couple of weeks.

I run a little program called ICQ whenever I am on the 'net'. It allows me
to track down other friends that are online and chat with them, send files
etc and online messages.
I have mine setup so that anyone can chat to me if they so wish.
Last month a young lady calling herself Beth dropped onto my desktop and
asked if I needed some company. I gladly responded, and we chatted for
hours.

She sent me a picture of herself and I teased her by asking which magazine
she got it from. She got upset and would'nt chat to me again. The picture
was of a very attractive woman.
I apologised the next time she was online and she sent me another picture.
This time slightly more revealing.

We chatted when-ever we were online together, which was not as often as I
would like. She became quite friendly and started getting very personal, I
didn't mind too much, but I asked for more proof of her being real person.
She got annoyed with me again, and withdrew.

I said that I would take her at her word and we contiued our online fun.
The photo's she sent got more and more explicit and her suggestions more and
more risque.

She would send me poems and links to internet sites with flowers and poems
about friends. She said that she could only go online at times that her
husband was away.

I sent her a few photos of myself (nothing exciting) and I asked her if she
could send me a photo of herself in a more relaxed situation, ie Highschool
photo etc..
She said that she didn't have any, none, no wedding photo's nothing..
Now I cannot for the life of me believe that a 23 y/o girl has only 9
photo's of herself and they are allmost all of her in a state of undress!

I can only surmise that she is probably a "he" and probably very gay.
Today I deleted Beth from my contact list, I'll never know the truth, and as
the only Beth I knew was in my imagination of what I believed she was like,
its like that person has died.

Its a weird situation really, I'd rather not find out.

The last words she sent me after I had shut down ICQ, were "why are you
doing this to me"  I had hoped that it would be something a little more
convincing.  Perhaps her name was HAL.


--------------------------------------------------------------
INTERNETMsg # 41 of 55                   Date: Sun 11/10/1998,  8:34 pm  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 18 times

     To: XLNC                    Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Ug

>>The last words she sent me after I had shut down ICQ, were "why are you
>>doing this to me"  I had hoped that it would be something a little more
>>convincing.  Perhaps her name was HAL.
>
>Why did you do that to me...       q8)

Its gotten a whole lot more interesting since my last post....
 I sent her an e-mail saying that I was not very happy about being lied to.
The next night she dropped in on me and started chatting to me and after
about 4 hours.. I was 100% sure it was female, although probably fat and
ugly Wink but that doesnt matter anyway. We kinda made up and continues
chatting..

 The next day, she must have gotten my E-mail beciase she sent me a message
saying that _I_ was a weirdo and that _I_ needed help!   hehehe  (sound
familiar Aimee Wink  anyway I left her alone all week, and did some checking
up on her when I saw her online... you know the usual Cyber stalking
stuff... IP tracking and the like :->
 She got a real fright when I asked her what she thought of her local ISP !
Then a guy in Greece sent me an e-mail last night saying that he had more
info for me and that I should e-mail him back..  Its all like a big
"who-dunnit" really, lotsa fun.

 Beth (not her real name she tells me) and I called it a truce last night,
and are now ICQ buddies again, she insists that the photo's are of her...
well see what the Greek guy says...
 Either way its not important, but it is a whole lotta fun.  :>

Zos  (I think thats still my name)  Wink


--------------------------------------------------------------
INTERNETMsg # 42 of 55                   Date: Thu  4/03/1999,  1:14 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 19 times

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Zosimos goes online Dating....


I recently joined the ranks of the Single mans club.
My relationship of nearly three years ended a few weeks back, and not being
one to take this sort of thing lying down (hey hangog...) I decided that I
would inlist the help of an Internet based dating service..

I had a look through the lists of victims, err woman and choose 6 to harass.
Now I was'nt really sure how to go about doing this so I decided to break
them into two groups. One I would be my usual silly self with and the other
I would be my usual serious self. Wink

I e-mailed them off On Sunday night and awaited my replies...
Now this is the strange bit..  By Monday night two of the humorous
recepiants had replied, by Tuesday all three had. Non of the people that got
serious e-mails have replied at all. (I did add the odd smiley too)

Here is a sample of one of my replies to a lady that was looking to meet
someone.

Grace: "Prefer a man's man, sporty," witty and intelligent. Not looking for
anything serious, just  want to meet people. "

Zosi's reply...
I think I'm a people..  Last week I thought I was Patagonian Mudfish, but
the medication has helped (particularly with my swimming skills)
..Umm lets see..  Oh yeah thats right.. Lets see..  Im a mans Man (My mate
Murray is always saying "Im the man") I'm not very witty, and well, you know
what they say about Intelligence being in the eye of the beholder ( I think
thats what they say) well I can work my VCR so if thats any idea.

Ok what else?   Oh yes and I'm nothing serious.  Trust me on this one.  :o)>

Sooo  if you are still thinking ... hey this guys crazy !!  then find out
for sure..

End of quote.

Well she replied back almost straight away with a witty little e-mail about
herself.  I shall keep you posted on Grace.

cont....

--------------------------------------------------------------
INTERNETMsg # 43 of 55                   Date: Thu  4/03/1999,  1:30 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 22 times

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Zosimos goe's online Dating.

Now the next woman also got back to me in a flash...  I cant remeber what I
wrote to her, but she was very keen to make contact with me despite knowing
nothing about me.
Here is my reply...  :>  (None of which is true)

Jade:   Hi Jade !
 Thanks for the reply,
T'was good !   Should I tell you more about me ?  ..  "yes" you say ?

Ok.. I'm a recently seperated father of 5. Four boys, Tim, Dan, Luke &
Peter. Plus one girl I think her names Mary or something. Umm I'm
un-employed, have been for 12 years. I used to be a storeman-packer for a
biscuit factory, but I was dimissed for dishonesty.
 I don't own my own car so I'm hoping you have one? A Commodore would be
nice.

Do you have any experience with children? It would be a definate plus for me
if you do, as I like to go out boozing with my mates most nights and the
youngest one has a contagious skin desease and needs constant round the
clock care.

Are you wealthy ? I have several gambling debts that I need you to cover,
although they total only a few grand I have very little left in my Bedsit
worth selling. The children spend the evenings out begging for food and cash
but it is hardly enough to pay for my grog let alone pay the thugs that
visit at all hours of the day and night demanding money.

I'm hoping you have space at your place for at least 3 of the children. They
have the most awfull infestation of body lice I have seen, so as you can
imagine I really don't want them passing them on to the other two mites or
myself.

If you would like to know more about me check out my mates homepage at...
 http://members.xoom.com/ronscan/                  Kindest regards... Zosi

I'll post her reply tomorrow :>

--------------------------------------------------------------
INTERNETMsg # 44 of 55                   Date: Thu  4/03/1999, 10:35 pm  [E]
From: PIPES                      Read: 17 times

     To: ZOSIMOS                 Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Zosimos goe's online Dating.

>I'll post her reply tomorrow :>

Dont forget to post the dating web page as well Wink

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INTERNETMsg # 45 of 55                   Date: Fri  5/03/1999,  1:26 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 15 times

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: The Reply..

Jade:
    I'm afraid I don't have a Commodore, but I do have a '74 V8 Holden
    that used to have a WOF _and_ reg.

The blokes that come around all say "great body, shame about the motor",
    and I'm sure they're talking about the car.

I have quite a few jokers come around to "tinker with the motor" and I
    prepare the finest meals (mostly baked beans on toast) and we drink
    tinnies and discuss the league. As you can see, then, there is nothing
    wrong with my social life and I don't HAVE to use one of these dating
    thingies.

There's nothing I'd like better than to take on three or four kids with
    scabbies - as long as they're strong enough to haul laundry from the
    basement to the living room (I'm a garment hygene specialist by day),
    and tall enough to reach over the sink to wash dishes (I sometimes make
    up to ten plates of baked beans on toast a night - nudge nudge).

As for wealthy - although my work is rather seasonal, I do make HEAPS of
    money, if I do say so myself. Just last week, for example, I was able
    to buy a whole packet of Holiday Menthol cigarettes AND some milk for
    my 20 cats AND put a deposit down for some mince and a potato. Please
    don't let my current wealth and high living intimidate you, however -
    me being the breadwinner in the relationship would in no way stop me
    from bowing to your every whim or hanging on your every word. Not that
    I'm desperate. Jade







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INTERNETMsg # 46 of 55                   Date: Fri  5/03/1999,  1:32 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 15 times

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Grace....

Remember Grace? She really grabbed my attention with this reply..

Grace: Hey Zos, I have read your message and checked out the ad and as it
    made me laugh more than twice I thought I would respond (this is only
    the second letter I have responded to by the way so please consider
    yourself extremely special - by the look of your ad however it seems
    you already do!)

I am definitely the tom-boy type although people are always very surprised
    at that - being the more-female-than-male in appearance.
I adore fishing and please don't ask me if I bait my own hooks etc - I own
    my own fishing rod and tackle box and fish with skill (a point that is
    very difficult to prove).
I play a lot of pool and consider myself a bit of a shark, especially after
    a few too many drinks, but have been known to clean up on occasions. My
    third hobbie is rugby (watching that is) and the only consolation about
    losing summer and gaining winter is the constant rugby available.
Girly stuff? I love cooking gourmet meals, love to dress up, go out and
    generally get a look or two on the dance floor (you see? I think I'm
    special too!) I work for a company that deals in people and nothing too
    much bothers me (except when my favourite Chinese shop is closed - big
    bummer). Anyway, write back!: Grace


~I wrote back to Grace, but I was'nt in a humorous mood, I said she sounded
too good to be true, and I asked her if she would like to get together for a
coffee...  She never replied :~(

Zos to Grace: Please accept my deepest sympathys on your sad loss.
It has come to my attention that you passed up on a once in a life tiime
chance to meet with a truely amazing person. This person, may well have
been the single most significant enfluence in your life, you may now never
know.  <Editors note: sounds like a lucky break!>

You may not have been  aware at the time of the pre-purchase inspection that
this offer came with a 30 day not questions asked money back garantee.
(offer not valid in South Dakota)

Perhaps you were not impressed by the over-exuberance of our sales staff, if
this was in fact the case, Please accept my most sincere apologies. We have
dispatched to you this very day not one, but two, Dust-buster cleaning wands
at no extra charge w hat-so-ever.

If you would like to remain on our mailing list and recieve regular updates
with tips and hints on life, social comments and general mayhem, Please
write your name and "E"-ddress on the back of a sealed envelope and return
to the following destination..  zosimos@bigfoot.com


<Editors note>  This reply replaces all previous correspondance and should
be taken with a very large pinch of salt.  :-)


~More tomorrow folks Smile

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INTERNETMsg # 47 of 55                   Date: Thu 18/03/1999, 12:21 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 15 times

     To: RAS                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Ever think..

>...Just read the correspondence you posted... Sounds like fun!
>That was a week ago... Grace wouldv'e replied by now...
>And what has Jade said recently?
>Dare i ask about t'other one? ;>
>

Grace never got back to me.., I didn't get back to Jade (90kg's) and I have
a date with Ruby tonight !  (to teach her puter stuff) Dianne went back to
her boyfriend.... sheesh it's like Shortland Street !!

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INTERNETMsg # 48 of 55                   Date: Tue 30/03/1999, 12:58 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 15 times

     To: RAS                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Ever think..

>>Grace never got back to me.., I didn't get back to Jade (90kg's) and I have
>>a date with Ruby tonight !  (to teach her puter stuff) Dianne went back to
>>her boyfriend.... sheesh it's like Shortland Street !!
>
>I'll spare the 'puter puns (hard disk, floppy...)
>Sure Jade wasn't joking about her weight? She might've bee 120kg!
>
>Grace just needed a grace period. She's sure to grace you with a reply,
>which you'll be grac^Ht-ful for. Goodness gracious, grateful she's not
>called Ruth, or you'll ignore the struth and carry on ruthlessly.

Ug Ruby said that she was young thinking..  I think that was because she had
recently installed electric lamps in her house.
Grace still never got back to me Sad
Jade.. well  she's slighty out of my desired weight range Wink
New one.. Paradise..  she looks good, but comes on like a wilderbeast on
heat. Luckily she lives in Auckland..
Oh and another one.. Umm BettyBoop .. she sounds nice, but anyone that
leaves there phone number on the first e-mail must be desperate, right ?
 Anyway, Im in remission this week, so I don't long for female company.
Unless of course its Aimee, in which case I have a standing order for the
next 12 years.. (till Im 50)

seeya !   ......Uncle Zos
Reply
#4
INTERNETMsg # 49 of 55                   Date: Wed  7/04/1999, 12:39 am  [E]

From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 12 times  [1 Reply]

     To: RAS                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Ever think..

>>Oh and another one.. Umm BettyBoop .. she sounds nice, but anyone that
>>leaves there phone number on the first e-mail must be desperate, right ?
>
>And the phone number was...

384-76..  hey !!!  why you little !!

Betty sent me an e-mail tonight, she's worried that I might be the boring
type like the last couple of guys she has met from the Net.
Oh well, you can't win them all.  ...back to the knitting..

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INTERNETMsg # 50 of 55                   Date: Wed  7/04/1999, 12:22 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 12 times

     To: ZOSIMOS                 Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Ever think..

>Betty sent me an e-mail tonight, she's worried that I might be the boring
>type like the last couple of guys she has met from the Net.
>Oh well, you can't win them all.  ...back to the knitting..
                                                  ^^^^^^^^

Oi!  I represent that!

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INTERNETMsg # 51 of 55                   Date: Wed 14/04/1999,  1:02 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 14 times  [1 Reply]

     To: AIMEE                   Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Ever think..


>>Three hour phone calls to strange women....  theres gotta be a medical term
>>for that, right?  ;>
>
>Desperate?  ;>

I hope not !!  sheesh next thing I know I'll be dating my ex's  !!! ;>



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INTERNETMsg # 52 of 55                   Date: Fri 16/04/1999,  1:40 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 12 times  [1 Reply]

     To: ZOSIMOS                 Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Ever think..

>>>Three hour phone calls to strange women....  theres gotta be a medical ter
>>>for that, right?  ;>
>>
>>Desperate?  ;>
>
>I hope not !!  sheesh next thing I know I'll be dating my ex's  !!! ;>

SHOCK!  You can't do that!  That's.... icky!

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INTERNETMsg # 53 of 55                   Date: Sat 17/04/1999, 12:42 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 13 times

     To: AIMEE                   Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: Re: Ever think..


>>>Desperate?  ;>
>>
>>I hope not !!  sheesh next thing I know I'll be dating my ex's  !!! ;>
>
>SHOCK!  You can't do that!  That's.... icky!

Good point !!  I'll try to avoid it should I get the urge ;>


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INTERNETMsg # 54 of 55                   Date: Wed  9/06/1999, 11:27 am  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 4 times

     To: All
Subject: Internet sites...

If you're convinced the truth is out there, You'll love the Alien Exchange
(http://www.geocities.com/area51/nebula/2768/).  Fascinating pages include a study
of alien abductions, 'authentic' video footage of a crop circle being
created by zooming dazzling blobby thingies, an account of alien mutilations
that makes you damn glad you're not a cow and other things for those who
want to believe.

--

A site devoted to things you might be too chicken to ask about
http://www.learn2.com is a must for all klutzes out there.  With clear explanations
of how to do anything from defrosting your freezer to applying eyeliner
properly, this gem will have your life sorted out in no time.

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INTERNETMsg # 55 of 55                   Date: Fri 25/06/1999, 12:58 pm  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 2 times

     To: All
Subject: Internet site to visit

If you want to make the most of your life but would like to know how long
you've got, you need a Death Clock (http://www.deathclock.com).  Key in your birth
and gender details, and the Death Clock will calculate the exact date of
your death, complete with a countdown of seconds left to live.


Ewwwww!
Reply
#5
(08-02-2015, 05:52 PM)Aimee Wrote:  --------------------------------------------------------------
INTERNETMsg # 11 of 55                   Date: Sat 10/10/1998,  1:17 am  [E]
From: AIMEE                      Read: 13 times

     To: All
Subject: Sites to see :>

For something historical, visit http://www.historyhouse.com.  This site offers
intelligent, witty and well-researched stories, reviews and essays about
everything from Peter the Great's family values, through the Ancient Greeks
crotch-grabbing law, to the battle of the dictionaries - Webster vs
Worcester!

Funny to see this site still works, even though it hasn't been updated since 2005.

I was expecting everything to 404

For some reason the layout reminded me of this http://eyewitnesstohistory.com
Reply
#6
Quote:INTERNETMsg # 38 of 55                   Date: Fri 25/09/1998, 12:51 am  [E]
From: ZOSIMOS                    Read: 27 times  [1 Reply]

     To: All                     Fwd From: :    Weird occurrences from Zosimos
Subject: First Cyber Sex experience...

Cyber-Sex On-line computer users often engage in what is affectionately
known as "cyber sex." Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared
through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see
below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an
on-line chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again,
maybe he does...


Zosimos:         Hello, Sweetheart.  What do you look like?

Sweetheart:      I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels.
                 I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect.
                 My measurements are 36-24-36.
                 What do you look like?

Zosimos:         I'm 6' and about 250 pounds.  I wear glasses and I have
                 on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.
                 I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue
                 sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart:      I want you.  Would you like to screw me?

Zosimos:         OK

Sweetheart:      We're in my bedroom.  There's soft music playing on the
                 stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.
                 I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling.  My hand works its
                 way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge,
                 swelling bulge.

Zosimos:         I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart:      I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Zosimos:         Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart:      I'm moaning softly.

Zosimos:         I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart:      I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides
                 off my warm skin.  I'm rubbing you're bulge faster,
                 pulling and rubbing.

Zosimos:         My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
                 hole in your blouse.  I'm sorry.

Sweetheart:      That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Zosimos:         I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart:      Don't worry about it.  I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My
                 soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder
                 and harder.

Zosimos:         I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's
                 stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart:      I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back
                 undoing the clasp.  The bra slides off my body.
                 The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

Zosimos:         How did you do that?  I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
                 the clasp.

Sweetheart:      I'm arching my back.  Oh baby. I just want to feel your
                 tongue all over me.

Zosimos:         I'm dropping the bra.  Now I'm licking your, you know,
                 breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart:      I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm  nibbling
                 your ear.

Zosimos:         I suddenly sneeze.  Your breast are covered with spit and
                 phlegm.

Sweetheart:      What?

Zosimos:         I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart:      I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
                 my blouse.

Zosimos:         I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you.
                 I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart:      OK.  I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
                 hard tool.

Zosimos:         I'm screaming like a woman.  Your hands are cold!  Yeeee!

Sweetheart:      I'm pulling up my miniskirt.  Take off my panties.

Zosimos:         I'm pulling off your panties.  My tongue is going all over,
                 in and out nibbling on you're...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart:      What's the matter?

Zosimos:         I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart:      Are you OK?

Zosimos:         I'm having a coughing fit.  I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart:      Can I help?

Zosimos:         I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
                 through the cabinets, looking for a cup.
                 Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart:      In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Zosimos:         I'm drinking a cup of water.  There, that's better.

Sweetheart:      Come back to me, lover.

Zosimos:         I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart:      I'm on the bed aching for you.

Zosimos:         I'm drying the cup.  Now I'm putting it back in the
                 cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait,
                 it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart:      Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Zosimos:         I found it.

Sweetheart:      I'm tuggin' off your pants.  I'm moaning.  I want you so
                 badly.

Zosimos:         Me too.

Sweetheart:      Your pants are off.  I kiss you passionately-our naked
                 bodies pressing each other.

Zosimos:         Your face is pushing my glasses into my face.  It hurts.

Sweetheart:      Why don't you take off your glasses?

Zosimos:         OK, but I can't see very well without them.  I place the
                 glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart:      I'm bending over the bed.  Give it to me, baby!

Zosimos:         I have to pee.  I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
                 and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart:      Hurry back, lover.

Zosimos:         I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
                 the toilet.  I lift the lid.

Sweetheart:      I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Zosimos:         I'm done going.  I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
                 but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart:      What's the matter now?

Zosimos:         I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
                 Sorry again.  I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly
                 feeling my way.

Sweetheart:      Mmm, yes. Come on.

Zosimos:         OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
                 your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart:      Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Zosimos:         I'm touching your smooth butt.  It feels so nice.  I kiss
                 your neck.  Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart:      I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it
                 another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!

Zosimos:         I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart:      What?

Zosimos:         I'm limp.  I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart:      I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on
                 my face.

Zosimos:         I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my willy all
                 floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart:      No, never mind.  I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
                 underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Zosimos:         No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.
                 I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair
                 spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart:      I'm buttoning my blouse.  Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Zosimos:         I've found my glasses.  I'm putting them on.  My God!  One
                 of your candles fell on the curtain.
                 The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look
                 on my face.

Sweetheart:      Go to hell.  I'm logging off, you loser!

Zosimos:         Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart:      <logged off>

Borderline genius Big Grin Or just borderline...
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